Damage
by Brandywine421
Summary: Ryan's mother abandoned him with the Cohens. But what if she still wanted to see her baby boy?
1. One

Disclaimer: I don't own anything related to the OC or it's characters.

AN: I guess its about time for another story from me. All my other fics are still in progress. I don't know why I let this plot bunny bite me, but oh well. Hopefully it'll interest someone. Review if you like it and I'll try and post the rest. 

Ryan hasn't told the Cohens about his mother or his visits to her. She calls a few times a week and sometimes convinces him to visit her in her new house in Chino. She doesn't always ask for money.

Once, AJ's car was there and he knocked on the door and no one answered. He knocked again and she opened the door. She forgot to take the belt off her arm so he turned to leave. AJ convinced him to stay with a few choice words and well-placed punches. He couldn't go swimming with Seth and the girls that week.

Tonight, he doesn't really know what's happening. Seth was angry with him earlier because he hadn't returned a comic book. He was pouting in his room and Marissa was gone somewhere with Summer. So when his mother called, he was homesick for just a second and now he finds himself here. With her.

"Ryan…" Her voice is steady and not slurred yet, but she's drinking vodka over ice. "I talked to your father yesterday."

Ryan doesn't respond but he knows what's coming. He thought he was too old for lessons.

"He thinks you're getting soft. Are you getting soft?"

"No," Ryan states evenly.

"He told me to test you. Are you too soft for the test?" Dawn asks, lighting a cigarette. 

"No. Why are you doing this?" Ryan asks quietly.

"Because your father loves you and he doesn't want you to be a little fucking pussy…" Dawn snaps. "Here." She tosses him the pack of cigarettes.

Ryan doesn't speak. He lights a cigarette and takes off his outer shirt. He sits there in his white t-shirt and jeans and inhales deeply from the cigarette.

"Pussy," She repeats. Ryan lays his arm on the table, palm up. She meets his gaze with her identical blue eyes. He doesn't flinch as her cigarette burns a hole in his flesh. 

"Are you soft?" She asks. He doesn't speak as she methodically marks him with her cigarette. Once. Twice. Again. 

"Fuck you," Ryan whispers. She slaps him hard across the face. 

"Don't talk to me that way, punkass. I'm your mother." She inhales deeply from her cigarette. "Other arm."

He places his other arm on the table. 

"Your turn," She says. 

Ryan hates his mother sometimes. He takes a long drag off his cigarette and then places it against his skin. 

"You know I'm not doing this to hurt you, baby, I just want you to be strong…" Dawn says, attempting sincerity.

He holds the burning cherry against his wrist and looks at his mother coldly. "Fuck you."

She slaps him again and he spits blood on the floor, standing up.

"Sit down. Finish the test and you can go," Dawn says, not looking at him. 

"Why?"

"Because."

Ryan doesn't know why but he sits back down. He closes his eyes this time. He doesn't react to the burns and finally they stop. He hears the bottle slam against the table.

"Okay. Have a drink with me, baby." She's slurring now.

"I should go," Ryan mutters, putting his shirt on. 

"Have a drink. It's a present from AJ. It's all yours. Trey says it's your favorite." Dawn points to a pint of whiskey beside him. 

"I should go."

"Dammit, boy, I'm your mother!" Dawn snaps. He winces. He opens the bottle and drinks several swallows.

"That's more like it. If it's one thing your father and I do well, it's drinking…" She smiles. 

Ryan looks at her in disgust and finishes half the bottle. 

"So you're doing good?" Dawn asks.

Ryan regards her coldly, the alcohol hot in his stomach. "Fuck you."

True to form, she slaps him again. Ryan smiles. He finishes the bottle and breaks it on the floor. She gasps.

"Night, Mom." He grabs his backpack and walks out of the house. 

Sandy had let him borrow the Mercedes and it is actually intact when he gets into the driver's seat. He sits there for a moment and looks at his abused arms. Seven circles on one arm and nine on the other. Hurt. Reminds him that he's strong. Not soft. Ryan starts the car and drives back to the Cohens. He parks the car and starts to head for the pool house but remembers that he has to return Sandy's keys.

Seth is absent and he nods to Kirsten in the den as he passes through. Sandy is in the kitchen drinking juice. 

"Thanks…" Ryan tosses the keys on the counter, staying a safe distance.

"Hey. Where've you been?" Sandy asks.

"Just went out," Ryan shrugs, walking toward the door. He hesitates by the door. "Can I talk to you a second?"

Sandy nods and follows him on the porch. "What's on your mind? Why's your face so red?"

The alcohol hits him and he loses his courage. "Never mind. I should go to bed…"

"Have you been drinking?" Sandy is closer than Ryan intended. Sandy puts a hand on Ryan's arm and he flinches. 

"What? No…" Ryan takes a step back and puts his arms low so Sandy can't investigate.

"Ryan, something's on your mind…"

"It's okay. I should go," Ryan says, turning. Sandy startles him by grasping his wrist and pulling it into the lights.

"Ryan…" Sandy gasps.

"It's nothing…" Ryan replies.

"How'd this happen? Where did you go tonight?" Sandy demands loudly.

Ryan shuts down. His eyes go cold and his face is expressionless. 

Sandy realizes that Ryan isn't responding. He softens his voice. "What did you want to talk to me about, Ryan? Was it about this?"

"No. This is nothing. There is nothing wrong with me." Ryan doesn't lower his gaze. "I wanted to know…if you could take the phone out of the pool house. I don't need a phone."

"Why, Ryan?" Sandy asks slowly.

"Maybe I don't like people being able to call me," Ryan replies. "Now I'm going to bed."

"Ryan. I want to know where you went tonight," Sandy says calmly. "Come in the house."

"I'm drunk. I'm going to bed. I don't have anywhere to go so I'm not going to run." Ryan walks away and goes into the pool house. The door is open.

Seth is sitting on the couch. He looks at Ryan, a strange expression on his face. Concern.

"What? You have something to say to me?" Ryan asks, walking past him and flipping the lights off. The room is dimly lit by the television.

"Your mom called."

Ryan pauses. "Did you talk to her?"

"No. Mom bought you an answering machine. I heard her leave a message. Three?" Seth says, his voice quiet.

"I'm going to bed…"

"Are you soft?" Seth asks quietly.

Ryan slams his fist into the wall and freezes, letting the pain bring him strength.

"Ryan…"

"Don't you ever say that to me. I don't care what you heard…you don't understand…fuck…" Ryan staggers to the bathroom and slams the door, sinking against the wall. 

Sandy is standing on the patio when Seth walks out. He pauses beside his father. 

"Did you know that Ryan visits his mother?" Seth asks. 

"What? No…" Sandy is disbelieving.

"Me either. But she's a fucking bitch. And somebody should tell him that," Seth nods. 

"Seth, why would you say that?"

"Because I heard the messages she left for him on the answering machine. I don't know what the fuck she was talking about but she's wrong about Ryan and she's a fucking bitch."

They both hear a sound from the pool house. Seth left the door open. They both step back toward the open door.

Seth recognizes the beep of the new answering machine. "Ryan, you little fucking bastard, I knew you couldn't take it, you're such a little fucking punk, like a little pussy…" Glass shatters on the tape. Sandy steps inside the pool house and spots Ryan sitting in the floor beside the answering machine. He doesn't see them because his face is in his hands. "I'm going to tell your father about this and you know how disappointed he's going to be that you couldn't even take it…you're soft…" The tape cuts her off. "Next message…You're fucking soft…fucking ungrateful little punk, after all I taught you, after all I did for you, this is how you repay me, you walk out on me just like your father, you abandon me…"

Sandy stops the tape. "Let me see."

Ryan doesn't react as Seth turns on the lights and Sandy takes his wrists to examine the burns.

"Seth, go get your mother. Tell her to get my briefcase," Sandy says quietly. Seth obeys. Sandy sits down across from Ryan.

"How long?"

Ryan stares at him.

"How long has she been calling you?"

Ryan looks at the floor.

Kirsten enters with Sandy's briefcase. "What's going on?"

Sandy nods to Ryan, giving her a serious look. 

"Are you all right?" She looks at his arm when Sandy pulls it away from him. "Oh, baby, what happened?"

"Nothing."

"Ryan's mother has been calling," Sandy states quietly.

The phone rings. Ryan doesn't react. Sandy reaches for it but Ryan stops him with a slight shake of his head. Ryan picks up the phone. 

"Yeah?"

"Ryan. What are you doing?"

"Nothing."

"Crying? Are you crying 'cause your mama hurt you?"

"Fuck you…" Ryan replies, ignoring Sandy's startled expression. 

"Fuck you." She softens her tone. "Is that all you have to say?"

Ryan closes his eyes. 

"I'm your mother. What do you have to say to your mother?"

"Thank you," Ryan replies, a hand over his face. Kirsten gasps.

"That's better."

"Are you done now?"

"I'll call you tomorrow. I love you."

Ryan hangs up. 

"What did she say to you?" Sandy asks angrily.

"Nothing…" The alcohol is working now. He doesn't feel the pain any more.

"Ryan, did she hurt you?" Kirsten asks gently.

"Hurt me? No, she can't hurt me," Ryan replies coldly. He holds out his arms and regards them. "This is to prove that I'm strong. That I'm tough…I'm not soft…you pass the test and you get a free drink…not a bad deal…"

Kirsten is horrified. She turns away.

"Ryan…I'm getting a restraining order against her. We'll change this number…"

"She's my mom," Ryan says suddenly. "I mean, she's like my only family."

"You can't be serious. She is burning you. She's abusing you…" Kirsten gasps.

"I'm not a victim, Mrs. Cohen…" Ryan protests. 

"Ryan, you're a smart kid. You know this isn't normal…" Sandy says.

"Whatever…" Ryan mutters.

"You will not see her, Ryan. Do you understand? If you talk to her, I want you to tell me. Promise me. Promise me that you'll tell me," Sandy urges

Ryan doesn't respond.

"Ryan. I'm serious…"

"Okay. I promise. I'm sorry. I didn't know I wasn't supposed to see her…" Ryan says quietly. 

"Nobody is allowed to hurt you like that…" Kirsten states. 

"Doesn't hurt," Ryan mutters, closing his eyes and leaning his head against the wall


	2. Two

Ryan wears long sleeved shirts to school for the next week. He doesn't talk to his mother and he refuses to talk about his mother to the Cohens. Seth doesn't even push the subject. When Ryan sees his mother's car outside at lunch, only Summer spots his reaction. Acceptance. He steps away from Seth, Summer and Marissa.

"I'll be right back," Ryan says, vanishing from the line for lunch in an instant.

"Who's that?" Summer asks, nodding out the window. Even she knew that Ryan's flash of emotion was out of the ordinary.

Ryan walks up the car and stops a few steps away. His mother is alone. The glaze in her eyes alerts him that she's wasted.

"Get in the car. I need to talk to you."

"I'm at school, Ma…"

"I'm not taking you anywhere. I'm your mother. I need to talk to you."

Ryan glances around but gets into the car. 

"Give."

Ryan holds out his arm and meets her gaze. She rolls up his sleeve. She wraps her fingers around his arm and digs her nails into his flesh. She squeezes tightly and he knows that she's going for bruises as the blood starts to drip from his arm. She digs her nails in deeper and his blood flows stronger.

"They don't want you to see me…" Dawn mutters.

"I can't go back into school like this," Ryan realizes as she releases his arm for a moment.

"I'm just doing what's best for you, baby, you know that…" She says, honestly. She wipes her hand on the seat and offers him her bottle.

"No, Ma…"

She slaps him suddenly, startling him. 

"Ungrateful little prick, you always were good for nothing. Now you're too good to talk to your own mother. Get out."

Ryan glances at her, confused. She slaps him again. He rolls his shirtsleeve down and steps out of the car. She pulls away. His shirt is sticky with blood. 

"Ryan. Come on," Seth is beside him suddenly. He ignores Ryan's stricken expression and pulls him into the building. He leads Ryan to the bathroom. 

"I've got an extra shirt in my locker. Get yourself cleaned up," Seth says, leaving him alone in the bathroom. Ryan rinses the blood from his arm and wraps it in a paper towel. Seth returns with a t-shirt and a jacket.

"I'm listening," Ryan mutters to Seth. 

Seth just shakes his head. "I don't understand why you keep going back to her."

"She's my mom," Ryan replies quietly. "She's all the family I have…"

"You have a real family now. One where shit like that doesn't happen. Mom and Dad don't need to burn you or make you bleed to prove that they love you," Seth states.

Ryan sighs, leaning on the sink. "I can't just walk away from her…"

"Why not, Ry? She walked away from you…"

Ryan nods slowly. He quickly changes shirts and turns to his friend.

"Are you going to tell your parents?"

"No. You are. Because I'm asking you to tell them. Please." Seth's face is tight with concern.

"Okay, Seth. I'll tell them."

Sandy and Kirsten don't get home until late and Ryan has already went to bed. He left them a message on their cell phones that he needs to talk to them, at Seth's request. He doesn't see them the next morning but promises Seth on the way to school that he will tell them as soon as he sees them.

Seth stops him outside of the school. "Ryan, wait."

"Yeah?"

"Don't go with your mother. I'm asking you and you know I wouldn't do that if it wasn't important."

"Seth, she won't show her face today…" Ryan replies.

"I don't care. I'm asking you to stay away from her. Come get me if you see her. Don't go with her."

"Where's this coming from?"

"I've got a bad feeling."

Ryan realizes how serious his friend is. "Okay. Okay, Seth. I trust you. Whatever you want."

Seth is satisfied. "Thanks," He replies relieved.

Marissa and Summer meet them in the hallway and they split up for classes. 

Ryan has History with Summer. He sees the car pull up through the window. AJ this time. He feels nauseous just seeing the man.

"I think you're allergic to that car," Summer whispers, attempting to get Ryan's eyes to revive. His eyes are dead as he looks at the car.

"Shit…" Ryan mutters. 

"What's up?" Summer urges, not used to this side of Ryan. She sees how attentive and gentle he is with Marissa and how protective and familial he is with Seth but she has never seen him tensed up with emotion. He almost looks scared to her.

"I don't know what to do…" Ryan whispers to himself. 

"Chill, Chino, what's the deal?"

Ryan hesitates. He starts putting his notebook away. "Tell Seth that I'm sorry…"

"Wait…" Summer calls.

Ryan rushes from class, ignoring Summer and the teacher's voice.

AJ barks at him as he walks up. "Get in the car. Your Ma needs you."

Ryan gets in and instantly accepts the offered bottle of whiskey. 

"Fancy school," AJ mutters.

"Yeah."

They ride in silence for a long while.

"Ma needs you to take some money up to Old Joey," AJ states.

Ryan is chilled. "Oh, fuck you, AJ, this is bullshit…" He is silenced instantly. AJ always could hit harder than his mother. Old Joey is his mother's drug dealer. The last time Ryan had to take him money, the payoff was a couple of hundred short and Ryan paid for it with a broken collarbone, six broken fingers, and concussion that kept him unconscious for three days. 

"You'll watch that mouth when you're with me, punk. You'll do what your Ma needs you to do. You owe it to her."

"How much? How much does she owe?"

"She's not under, why, you scared of Old Joey?" AJ snaps. 

"Why can't she take it herself?"

"'Cause she's fucked up, that's why. I can't go 'cause I still owe him so she needs you to go. Don't ask so many fucking questions. The money's in the glove box. I'll wait for you out here." AJ parks on the street.

Ryan reaches past the gun and grabs the roll of cash from the glove compartment. He takes another swallow of whiskey and gets out of the car. He goes into the warehouse. AJ lights a cigarette. He waits twenty minutes. Ryan exits the building, staggering.

"Don't bleed on the seat," AJ snaps as Ryan opens the door. His face is undamaged but he his cradling one arm against his chest. He is wheezing as he breathes. He sits down and his eyelids droop.

"Looks like you did okay," AJ grins.

"Fuck you. I asked them to leave my face alone," Ryan mutters. 

"Take a drink. You can walk it off," AJ says. Ryan takes several generous swallows of the whiskey. He struggles to keep his eyes open on the ride back. He accepts a cigarette from AJ as he pulls back up to the school.

"You okay here?" AJ asks.

Ryan glances out of the window and sees that it's lunchtime. He sees Summer standing a few yards away, looking down the street.

"Fuck you." Ryan steps out of the car and slams the door behind him. AJ pulls off quickly. Ryan staggers suddenly and feels small hands supporting him. 

"Seth's freaking out," Summer says quietly. "He won't tell us anything so I wouldn't tell him anything. What happened to you?" She pulls her hand away from his back and holds onto his arm, keeping him upright as she looks at the blood that's soaked through his shirt that's on her hand.

"Do you think you can take me home?" Ryan asks quietly. "Because if you can't, I'm going to sit down here and die…"

"Come on," She replies immediately. She leads him to her car, dialing her cell phone as they walk.

"Seth? I've got the wily bastard. Yeah, I'm taking him home…" Summer is quiet as she listens to Seth freak out on the phone.

"Meet us there, spaz, he's kind of fucked up and I think he needs to go home, like, now." Summer leans Ryan against her car as she continues to talk. Ryan slides down, sitting on the concrete. He reaches into his pocket and lights one of the cigarettes from the pack he stole from AJ a few minutes earlier.

"Hey. No smoking in my car," Summer says, watching him.

Ryan regards her with dull eyes. "I'm not in the car."

Seth appears with a phone to his ear and Marissa right behind him.

"Dude, you promised me…" Seth sighs, falling to his knees beside Ryan.

"I know…it wasn't her…it was AJ…" Ryan says, not wanting his friend to be angry with him right now. "I didn't know what else to do…he would've got me in the car somehow if I hadn't agreed…you don't know him, Seth…"

Marissa pushes past Seth, pulling on Ryan's shirt. His right side is swollen and there is a dark purple boot print on his chest. Ryan waves her away as he takes a long drag off his cigarette.

"What did he do to you?" Marissa gasps.

"AJ didn't do it…look, I can't explain it…just drop it…" Ryan mutters, his eyelids drooping. 

"Call your mom. Now, Seth. We're taking him home," Marissa whispers. 

"Seth, please. I'm asking you to let this go. Don't call your parents…I can't deal with them right now…"

Summer and Marissa help Ryan to his feet as Seth dials his mother. Voicemail again. 

"Mom. It's Seth. It's important. Can you _please_ call me. It's about Ryan and it's serious…okay…" He needs his mother. 

"Seth, meet us there!" Marissa calls, helping Ryan into Summer's car.

Seth gets into the Range Rover and dials his father's office. Voicemail again. "Yeah. Dad. Hard to find you guys these days. Got a little emergency at home. I need to talk to you. It's about Ryan if that matters to you." He hangs up. He follows Summer's car, his worry growing by the second. 

No one is home when he parks the Rover behind Summer's car.

Summer and Marissa help Ryan out of the car.

"I can't get anyone…" Seth says unlocking the door.

"Okay, guys…thanks for getting me home," Ryan says, starting for the bathroom.

"You're not going anywhere, kid, until you give us an explanation…" Summer says. "You walk out of class, you get in that car that makes you break out in hives…"

"What did AJ want, Ryan?"

"It was…it was family stuff…I'll be right back…" Ryan disappears into the bathroom. 

"Fuck…" Seth walks away from the girls, affected. 

"Seth, what's going on?"

"Ryan's being a prick…he's such a punk…god…" Seth walks into the kitchen. He picks up the phone and dials Kirsten again. He doesn't leave her a voicemail this time, too frustrated to talk.

Ryan comes out of the bathroom, recovered. His eyes are clear and he is steady. He hugs Marissa briefly. "Thanks for bringing me home, girls."

"What's going on?" Marissa demands.

"Can I explain everything later? I need to talk to Seth. It's family business and I need to explain stuff to him first. I owe him that," Ryan says seriously.

Summer and Marissa glance at each other.

"Please."

"I'll call you tonight." Marissa hugs him again. "I'm glad you're okay."

"Thanks."

"I told the professor that you had a stomach virus so you're cool for class tomorrow," Summer says, giving Ryan a quick hug.

"Thanks. That was really nice of you."

"But you owe me one."

Summer and Marissa leave, returning to school. Ryan finds Seth in the kitchen.

"Seth."

"I don't want to hear it…"

"Please. I'll try to explain it if you'll listen," Ryan says quietly. "Please. I can't handle it if you're mad at me…please…"

Seth turns around to face his friend. "Okay. Tell me why you let them do this to you. I really need you to explain."

"It's not like I let them hurt me…" Ryan takes a deep breath. "Listen, my family's…it's not like yours…it works differently…I don't love my mom because she's nice to me, I love her because she's my mom. I'm her son. I take care of her and she…"

"What does she do for you? Why does she burn you, Ryan?"

"My dad used to do it…it makes me strong…keeps me on my toes…you know, Seth, I walked around on a broken ankle for three weeks once before I went to the doctor. Pain…I'm stronger than pain," Ryan replies, seriously. 

Seth shudders, horrified.

"Don't pity me, Seth, god…I'm not a victim, it's just how we…it's how my family works. I'm stronger because of it…"

"You're not weak!" Seth exclaims.

"I'm not weak anymore. So when I saw AJ today…I had to make sure she was okay…she gets really messed up sometimes…"

"Is she okay?"

"She owed this guy some money. AJ needed me to take it to the guy," Ryan admits. "Old Joey…means my mom's using junk again…"

"Heroin? You…Ryan, please, man, tell me that you see how fucked up this is. You're on probation. Your mom abandoned you…they beat the shit out of you…"

"I wouldn't have gone if I had known, Seth, you have to believe me…you think I like getting the shit beat out of me? You think I wanted to get in that car? But…I can't just walk away…she raised me…I owe her my life…I can't just walk away…"

Seth sees how upset Ryan is and loses his anger. "Okay, Ryan…okay…"

"And I know your parents…they're great…I appreciate everything that they've done for me…I don't want to go back to her, Seth…I don't want to live with her…but I can't walk away…"

"Okay, Ryan. Go change. I'll let this go…if you keep your word. Tell me if you see your mother. Just tell me." Seth walks over to Ryan and shakes him. "I can't take losing you, man. Not like that. You promise me that you'll tell me if you hear from her."

"Yeah. I promise. I'm sorry." Ryan disappears into the pool house. 

Seth dials his mother and gets her voicemail. "Sorry about the desperate voicemail, everything's cool. Ryan and I worked it out. Didn't mean to upset you. Just forget it."

He leaves a similar message on his father's voicemail. He goes into the den and is surprised when Ryan joins him.

"You want to go sailing or something? It won't go over too well if we're just chilling here when the Cohens get home."

"Right you are. Let's go sailing. You okay enough to do that?"

"Yeah. I'll make it. Thanks, Seth. I appreciate it."

When they come back from sailing, it's after six. Sandy and Kirsten are both home. 

"Seth, what was going on today? I was in court all day and didn't get your messages until…"

"Everything's cool, I just had a little freak out with Ryan. But we worked it out," Seth says, glancing at Ryan. Ryan hides his surprise. He hadn't known that Seth had called his parents. 

"I tried to call you back, but your phone was off," Kirsten adds from the kitchen.

"Can't have phones on in class. Little rule they made," Seth replies.

"What was the problem? I mean, why'd you call us?" Sandy asks curiously.

"I told him to. I flipped out a little too. Don't worry about it," Ryan answers.


	3. Three

AN: Okay folks. I have written two versions of where this story might go. I'm posting this one basically because it's longer and just as good as the other and I'm going to see if I can develop the other one into a different story. If you're interested in the other tangent, email me and I'll let you check it out. Hopefully, all the GREAT readers will like this one. You guys are awesome. I have a HUGE case of writer's block and that's why nothing of mine's being updated but hopefully I'll be able to finish all my unfinished stuff soon. 

*****

Several weeks pass and Ryan doesn't hear from his mother. Seth stops pestering him and Marissa and Summer have finally accepted that Ryan's not going to talk about the incident.

Kirsten and Sandy are out getting dinner one night when the phone rings. Seth doesn't glance up as Ryan answers it.

"Hello?"

"Ryan?"

"Yeah?"

"You don't even recognize your own mother?"

"Ma…" Ryan recognizes her now.

"I need you. It's important."

"I can't…" Ryan says. Seth is looking at him, concerned..

"I'll be right back…" Ryan takes the phone into the kitchen, ignoring his glance.

"Who are you talking to that's more important than me?"

"What do you want from me?" Ryan asks.

"I need you. I need to see my son. Is that a crime? Wanting to see my baby boy?"

"I told you that I can't," Ryan says seriously. 

"I'm telling you that if you don't bring your sorry ass over here right now that I'll come and get you! You're my son and I need to see you!" Ryan turns around finds Seth behind him. Seth shakes his head, slowly.

"I have to go…"

"Am I going to have to come get you?"

"No. I'll come."

"Good boy. I'm waiting for you."

Ryan hangs up the phone.

"Ryan?" Seth calls.

Ryan leans on the counter, bracing himself. 

"Ryan."

"I have to go, Seth."

"What did she say?"

"She said she needed me…" Ryan whispers, clearly upset.

Seth is silent. 

"Please don't be mad at me…she says she'll come get me if I don't come…I have to go…"

"I know you do," Seth says quietly. "I'll cover for you…but if you're not back by ten, I'm telling them everything."

"Seth…" Ryan starts.

"Don't get into anything you can't handle, Ryan. Don't make me regret trusting you…"

"You already regret it, I can see it on your face," Ryan replies quietly. "I have to go."

"You have to go."

"I told her I couldn't Seth…I told her that I couldn't but she said…I have to go…" 

"You're sure…"

"I have to go," Ryan repeats. 

Seth disappears for a moment and returns with his cell phone. "Call me if anything happens. I mean it."

"Thanks, Seth." Ryan takes Seth by the shoulders. "I mean it."

Sandy and Kirsten come home with dinner. Seth tells them that Marissa called and Ryan had to go see her. He retreats to his room, too busy hiding his worry from his parents to eat anything. 

Ryan pays the cab driver and knocks on the door to his mother's house. AJ lets him in. His mother is curled up in bed, drunk. Her arms are bruised from the needles.

After a few minutes, Dawn gets antsy.

"Help your mother," She says. "I can't find a vein for shit these days."

"I won't do this for you…" He says from the chair beside the bed. She lunges for him, grabbing his face and digging her nails into his cheeks.

"I don't ask you for much, you ungrateful fucker…"

"I won't do that for you," Ryan hisses. She releases him and lights a cigarette. 

"I've never been disappointed in you before, but I don't like what those people are teaching you. They're making you soft." 

He doesn't protest when she takes his hand and burns the center of his wrist.

"I can't see you anymore. I can't do this anymore," Ryan says. 

"What?"

"You deserted me, Mom…" Ryan mutters.

"I wanted what's best for you, I didn't know they would turn you against me…" She burns him again. He watches her.

"Do you love me?"

"You know I love you…"

"Why do you do this to me? Why do you make me come here…"

She grips his wrist tightly with one hand, reaching under the bed with the other. She pulls out a knife. She slashes his arm and he pulls away, startled. She pulls his arm back to her. 

"You see this blood? This is my blood. Our blood. You and me, we're the same…"

"I'm not like you," Ryan protests, pulling away and standing up. 

She throws an empty bottle at him and it shatters against his head, stunning him. His vision is blurred for a moment with blood.

"Goddammit! Get out of here! I never want to see you again! AJ!" Dawn wails. "AJ!"

Ryan bolts from the bedroom and meets AJ in the kitchen.

"What the fuck did you do to her?" AJ reaches for him but Ryan ducks out of the way and slams AJ against the wall. 

"You come near me again and I'll have you arrested. You or her. Stay away from me…" Ryan says. He punches AJ in the face and starts to bolt but AJ grabs the jacket in his hand, pulling him back. He falls to the floor as AJ grabs his ankle.

"Don't threaten me…" AJ hisses. Ryan kicks him away and is gone. 

Ryan sprints for several blocks before stopping and catching his breath behind a convenience store. He dials the Cohens.

"Hello?"

"Seth…"

"Ryan, are you okay?"

"Yeah. Come pick me up and I'll tell you all about it," Ryan says. "Thanks."

Seth pulls up and finds Ryan sitting on the curb smoking a cigarette.

"I thought you said you were okay…" Seth says, unlocking the door as Ryan climbs in. 

"I'm okay. She got pissed at me and nailed me with a bottle. I told her I couldn't see her anymore."

Seth doesn't reply.

"I meant it."

"Really?" Seth questions.

"Yeah. Your parents pissed?"

"They think you're at Marissa's…" Seth replies. "What happened?"

"I told her that I couldn't see her anymore and she snapped. It had to be done, right?"

"I'm sorry, Ryan. About all of this. But I'm not sorry that you aren't going to see her anymore," Seth replies.

"I'm sorry for asking you to lie for me. I'll tell your parents…" Ryan says.

"I'm glad. I don't think I should be the one handling this for you," Seth admits. "I don't know what to say to you…"  
"There's nothing left to be said. I'm done. I'm sorry."

"You keep saying that and then you keep doing the same things over and over."

"I'm being stupid. She's the same…maybe if she wasn't shooting up…maybe then this would have all been worth something…but it's like…I can't keep doing this to you and your parents…it's not fair to you…"

"You have to do it for yourself. Let me see your arms," Seth says quietly. 

Ryan glances at him.

"Ryan. Let me see them."

Ryan holds out his arms. 

"Goddammit, she cut you this time?"

"Seth…"

"I don't want to hear your excuses…" Seth replies, shaking his head.

"I told her, Seth. I'm not going to see her anymore…"

Seth pulls the Rover into the driveway and turns to Ryan. "You're damn right you're not going to see her anymore. I'm going in there and you're going to tell Mom and Dad about Old Joey and how she dug her nails into your arms until you bled. And you're not going to see her anymore."

"Okay."

"What?" Seth asks, surprised.

"Okay. Just don't be mad at me. You were right. I'm sorry I didn't want to believe it…but you were right. I'll do whatever you want." Ryan has his eyes closed and he's leaning his head against the window. He's cradling his gashed arm against him and blood is still trickling from his forehead. 

"Ryan?"

"Let's go inside. I need to walk this off…" Ryan murmurs, stumbling out of the car.

"You're bleeding…god, you're bleeding a lot…" Seth realizes, joining him.

"You don't think she nicked anything, do you?" Ryan asks, pulling his arm away from his body for an instant.

"Shit…" Seth sees that Ryan's jeans are soaked with blood. The door opens and Sandy steps out.

"What's going on?" Sandy asks, sensing something wrong. "Seth?"

"Dad, his arm, it's bleeding a lot…"

"Nah, I think it's okay…" Ryan says suddenly. "I think I'm dizzy because of the bottle…" He leans against the truck.

"You need a hospital. Go get your mother…" Sandy urges after seeing the blood. He opens the door to the Range Rover and helps him into the back seat. Seth is already back with Kirsten.

"Ryan, what happened?" Kirsten asks, getting in beside him. "Ryan, honey, let me see…" Kirsten reaches for his arm and he flinches. He seems to recognize her and relax. She gently examines his arm. "You need stitches, Ryan…"

"I told her I couldn't see her anymore…she got a little upset…" Ryan mutters.

"Told who? Your mother? Did she do this to you?" Kirsten asks, shocked. Sandy climbs into the driver's seat and Seth turns around to study his mother and Ryan.

"I'm going to tell you guys everything…I just…I thought I was okay…" Ryan replies. He's more dizzy now and its hard for him to stay focused.

"Dammit, Ryan, I thought you were going to stay away from her!" Sandy says, frustrated. Ryan visibly winces from his tone and Kirsten notices it. 

"It's his Mom…" Seth says suddenly. "It's his mother and you expect him to just walk away from her? Like he's just like her?"

"Seth!" Kirsten scolds, stricken.

"It's my fault…Seth's been covering for me…" Ryan mutters weakly.

Kirsten returns her attention to Ryan who is slumping in the seat now.

"I'm making a big mess…this is all a big mess…" Ryan whispers, pulling his arm away from her and clutching it against his chest tightly.

"Ryan. You're not in any trouble…" Kirsten says gently.

Ryan smiles at her sadly. "You have no idea…" 

"Keep pressure on it…" She urges as Sandy pulls up in front of the emergency room.

"Ryan?" Seth is by Ryan's door when Sandy stops. He opens the door and steadies Ryan as he gets out.

"I'm cool. Really. Can you guys let me take care of this?" Ryan asks suddenly, too pale.

"Ryan…" Kirsten protests as Sandy goes to park the car.

"If they think I did it, they'll try to get me to go to psych and if they think you did it, they'll be a lot of paperwork and social services…just let me take care of it…" Ryan walks away from them, stunning them all. 

"You think he's done this before?" Seth asks his mother, taking her arm.

"God knows with his mother," Kirsten replies. 

"Dad's going to flip out…"

"Wait for your father. I'm not letting Ryan do this by himself…" Kirsten enters the ER but cannot find Ryan. Finally, joined by Seth and Sandy, she approaches the nurse.

"Mr. and Mrs. Cohen? Hi. Ryan told me that you were on the way. We're stitching his arm right now…"

Seth stops Sandy from questioning with a harsh glare. "What happened?" Seth asks.

"Well, he says he had a run in with some people from his old neighborhood and they got a little rough. He lost a lot of blood but we repaired the damage and he should be good to go home when we're ready.

"I'll get the paperwork," Kirsten offers, leaving her son with Sandy and following the doctor to the desk.

"What is going on?"

"Ryan says that if the doctors saw the cut and the burns that they would either blame you guys for abuse and get social services involved or they would take him up to psych…he wouldn't let Mom come in with him…."

"This is unacceptable…" Sandy sighs.

"Hey. You need to chill out. Ryan's having a hard enough time right now without you going all Nazi on him…"

"You know something. When did Ryan confide in you about this?" Sandy asks suddenly.

"He's going to explain everything, Dad, just chill out. He's okay. He came back. If you don't…" Seth grabs his Dad's arm as Sandy's attention starts to drift back to the room. "Dad. You're making it worse."

A nurse steps out, smiling. "You can go in. The doctor should be back with the paperwork."

Sandy bursts into the room. 

Ryan is sitting on the bed, staring at his bandaged arm. Seth notices stitches at the edge of his hairline as well.

"Goddammit, Ryan, what the hell are you thinking?" Sandy asks, going to his side. 

Ryan winces at his first word and then doesn't respond. His eyes are cold when he meets Sandy's gaze.

"Well?" Sandy demands.

"Can you rephrase the question into something that I might be capable of answering?" Ryan replies, emotionlessly.

"Ryan…" Sandy lowers his voice. Ryan catches Seth's eyes for a moment and Seth realizes that Ryan is shutting down. "Ryan, you said that you weren't going to see her anymore…"

"Well, I guess that makes me a liar," Ryan replies evenly.

"Ryan…" Sandy snaps, frustrated.

"Look, you can yell at me all you want, you can cuss me out and tell me how stupid I am for going back to her, and that's fine, I deserve it, but don't talk to me like you know anything about me or my relationship with my mother because you don't," Ryan says, his eyes dark with emotion. 

Sandy is startled. He immediately regrets his harsh tone and opens his mouth to apologize but is interrupted by Kirsten and the doctor's entrance. 

"Well, looks like you're good as new. You remember how I explained to you to take care of it?" The doctor asks, smiling at Ryan.

"Yes sir," Ryan replies quietly.

"What?" Kirsten mouths to Sandy who doesn't reply, his eyes on Ryan.

"Okay. And stay out of Chino, will you? I don't want to see you in any of my ER's for a while, okay?"

"Sure, Dr. Levin, thanks…" Ryan replies.

"He's good to go. It was great to meet you, Mrs. Cohen. Take care of Ryan, he deserves it…" The doctor smiles at Kirsten.

"Seems Ryan used to visit Dr. Levin in the emergency room over in Chino," Kirsten tells her husband. Ryan hops off the table and walks out of the door. 

"Way to be sensitive, Dad," Seth mutters, following Ryan out of the room.

Ryan has stopped outside the hospital. Seth puts a hand on his shoulder and Ryan jumps, startled. 

"Sorry," Ryan mutters.

"No, I'm sorry. You're right, this is a mess…" Seth sighs. 

"I'd say I want to go home…but it seems like that varies from day to day…" 

"Your home is with us…" Seth begins.

"Your dad is so mad…I don't want…" Ryan hesitates.

"He's worried about you, he's not thinking straight…" Seth interrupts.

Ryan takes a deep breath. "You know, I really respect your dad. He's done a lot for me. He's one of the only people that's ever had faith in me…and to have him looking at me like that…"

"He'll chill out, Ryan, you have to give him time to calm down…" Seth says quietly.

Ryan lowers his eyes as Kirsten and Sandy emerge. "I'm just really tired…" He tells Seth.

"Ryan. I'm sorry if I was harsh back there, I'm sorry. I'm just really frustrated…" Sandy starts.

"Whatever. Can we go?" Ryan asks, his voice a whisper. He doesn't meet their worried gazes, looking at his feet. 

"Okay, Ryan. Let's go home," Kirsten says. 

They ride home in silence. Ryan keeps his eyes closed. He jolts when Seth touches his shoulder to let him know that they're home.

"Sorry…" Seth apologizes.

"It's cool," Ryan remarks. His blue eyes are clouded when he turns to Seth. 

"You okay?" Seth asks.

"Yeah. I've got a lot on my mind," Ryan replies. He steps out of the Range Rover and turns to face Sandy. "Can we have this talk?"

Sandy is still startled by Ryan's coldness toward him. He nods, looking at Kirsten and they share a concerned look.

Ryan walks into the kitchen and leans against the counter.

"Ryan, why don't we go into the living room so you can sit down?"

"I already bled all in the Rover, I don't want to mess up the furniture," Ryan replies. 

"Ryan…" Kirsten sighs. "Sit down."

Ryan hesitates but sits down at the counter. Seth sits down beside him.

"Seth, we need to talk to Ryan…"

"I already know everything," Seth starts.

"It's cool," Ryan says to him. "I'm cool."

"I'll be upstairs when you're done," Seth says, leaving.

The kitchen is silent. 

"She came to school. I didn't call her, I hadn't talked to her until she came to school. Seth saw her and I made him promise not to say anything. I promised him I wouldn't see her anymore. The next day…AJ came to school." Ryan doesn't meet their gaze, he closes his eyes and sighs deeply. "I got in the car with him. He needed a favor…"

"What kind of favor?" Sandy asks, calmly.

"My mom owed this guy some money. He needed me to take it to him," Ryan replies.

"Why you? Why couldn't he take it himself?"

"He owes the guy, too or something. It was bullshit. They needed me to take the beating for them since they didn't have enough money. So I did…"

"Ryan, god…" Kirsten gasps.

"But everything was cool, I hadn't heard from her or anything until tonight. She called. She said she needed me. She said she'd come get me if I didn't go see her…" Ryan starts.

"Next time, let her come…" Sandy interrupts, angry.

Ryan regards him with clouded eyes. "She wouldn't come here, Mr. Cohen, she'd send AJ. Fuck what happens to me, what happens when he comes here and it's just me and Seth? Or me and Mrs. Cohen? I can protect myself from him, but I can't promise anything if he comes here…I don't want him here…" 

"We could have called the police…" Kirsten starts.

"The police can't do anything," Ryan mutters, losing all the emotion from his outburst. 

"What does that mean, Ryan?" Sandy asks. Ryan glances at him darkly.

"It means that I'm afraid of AJ, Mr. Cohen. And if he comes for me, I'll go. And I'm not afraid of the police and neither is he." Ryan slams his fist into the counter. His face is blank but his body is tense with emotion. "But that doesn't matter because this isn't about him. I'm sorry I didn't tell you. I thought I could handle it but things got out of hand."

Sandy's tone is gentle. "You haven't done anything wrong, Ryan. I shouldn't have raised my voice at you…."

"You guys let me stay here. You buy me stuff. Feed me. You guys take care of me and you don't ask me for anything. You asked me for one thing and I disobeyed you. That's why I'm sorry. So I'm done with Dawn and AJ."

Sandy is stricken.

"You've got things all twisted up in your head, Ryan. You're misinterpreting the whole situation," Kirsten whispers.

"Does it matter what's going on in my head as long as you get what you want?" Ryan asks in return.

"Yes. It does matter. It matters a lot. Go to bed. We'll talk tomorrow. I'll call the school. Get some rest." Kirsten turns away from him, upset.

Ryan is still. 

"Ryan?" Sandy calls, unable to read the young man's posture.

"If you want me to leave…" Ryan's voice is barely audible.

"No. That's not what I mean at all. I have to think of a way to get through to you and you're too guarded right now to listen to me…" Kirsten replies, choked.

He silently leaves the kitchen.

Seth appears. "What did you say to him?"

"Nothing, Seth…" Kirsten starts.

"Did you listen? God, that kid…he loves his mom and she fucking tortures him for it…why do you have to make him feel any worse? He just gave up his mom for you and you can't even talk to him…" Seth disappears out the door to talk to Ryan.

The door to the pool house is open. Seth closes it behind him. 

"Ryan?"

"Hey."

"Can I turn on a light?"

"Nah. I like it dark tonight."

"What's up?" Seth can't see his friend but his voice is very soft. "What's going on?"

"Would you be mad if I left?"

"What?" Seth is chilled.

"Because the way your parents are acting…"

"They don't want you to leave. Please don't leave over this…"  
"It's not just this. I'm starting to get complicated for them and I don't think they expected…"

"Damn, Ryan, stop. Just stop. You're freaking out," Seth says.

"You think?" Ryan snorts.

"Let me turn on a light…" Seth says, worried.

"No. Don't, Seth. Please. It's too bright."

"What's going on with you?" Seth asks quietly.

"I don't know what to do. I can't make your parents happy…it's like…I was just trying to do what's right…I was trying to do what my mother needed without hurting the Cohens but…they're still mad at me…"

"They're not mad at you, Ryan…damn…I don't know how to explain this to you…" Seth is torn. He knows that his parents are trying to do the right thing and he knows that Ryan is hurting so badly that he isn't thinking straight. 

"I don't want you to be in the middle of this. Your mom says that I have stuff all twisted in my mind…and she's right…" Ryan's voice starts.

"I'm not going anywhere if you're thinking of leaving. What are you going to do? Where are you going to go?" Seth asks.

Ryan's voice is low. "I've been saving money. I think I'd be okay…"

"I don't want to hear any more, Ryan," Seth says. He can't think.

"Listen to me, Seth. You're more family to me than I've ever had. You're my brother…my best friend…"

"Then think about what you're doing, think about what you just said to me. You're telling me that you're thinking of leaving and that you have money saved…what the hell are you saving money for?" Seth asks, keeping the panic out of his voice.

"I was saving it for…I was saving it for a car, Seth…but…but if I've fucked this up, then I have to do something…I just…I don't understand how everything always turns into a wreck…"

"Ryan. Tell me what to say to make you stay."

"I'm not leaving. I have to stick this out. Right?"

"Right. That's making sense. This is not the end of the world…"

"I didn't mean to scare you."  
"Are you going to be okay?" Seth asks.

"Yeah. I'm tired, Seth. I'm going to try and get some sleep," Ryan says.

"I'll see you in the morning," Seth says, getting up to leave. He hears his mother's voice from the patio. He pauses by the door. He turns and finds Ryan standing beside him, pale in the light from the porch.

"Sandy, this isn't working, I mean, he won't even talk to us and now…god…"

"Kirsten, what do you expect me to do? He's not listening to me…"

"God, don't you wish we could go back to the days when we only had one son? A son that wasn't already damaged irreparably?" Kirsten's voice carries to Seth and Ryan.

Seth gasps, turning to Ryan.

"It's okay. Go to bed. I'll be here tomorrow," Ryan says indifferently, not meeting his eyes. 

"You promise?"

"I don't have anywhere else to go," Ryan replies. He turns away from Seth but doesn't flinch when Seth puts a hand on his shoulder. "I'm cool."

Seth leaves and hears the pool house door close behind him. He walks into the house, pausing in the kitchen. He walks past his parents and closes the open window beside them. "You ever hear that old song, Voices Carry? Huh." He storms upstairs to his room. 

"God…" Kirsten realizes.

"Let's go to bed, Kirsten. There's nothing any of us can do tonight," Sandy sighs.

Ryan is sitting in the dark. Damaged irreparably. That's one way of putting it. He already has his backpack beside him. It's empty and he's thinking about what he should put in it this time. He has more stuff now, but less of it's his. Clothes. He needs clothes. He packs in the dark. His favorite jeans, black pants and a nice pair of slacks from Mrs. Cohen. He packs several sets of boxers and undershirts. He picks his five best shirts and tightly rolls them to allow more room in the bag. Clothes are most important when all you have to carry is a backpack. He absently walks around the darkened pool house, looking for things that he would want to take with him. 

He's done this before. In Chino and earlier, in Fresno. Running away was always the best option for him in his life before now. He doesn't want to leave this place. But he won't cause Sandy and Kirsten any more pain. Seth will understand. Seth heard Kirsten's words, too. He'll understand. 

Ryan opens the frame on the dresser and pulls out the picture of him standing with Seth at Cotillion. Both wearing tuxedos and looking generally out of place, it reminds him of why they're such good friends. He drops the picture carefully into the bag. He stacks his books and notebooks on the desk Kirsten recently bought for him. He was actually doing very well at school. It hits him suddenly that all his hard work is for nothing. He still doesn't belong here and he never will. Damaged irreparably. 

Ryan finishes filling the bag and goes to the dresser. He pulls the taped envelope from the underside of the drawer and absently counts the money. Not enough to buy a car but enough for him to make a start somewhere. A fresh start. Without parents at all. Without having to worry about who he's going to hurt next. 

Ryan glances out the window and sees that all the lights are off in the house. He sits down and takes out a notebook. He writes a letter to Seth and seals it. He shoulders his bag and heads out. 

The next morning, Seth wakes up before dawn, sensing that something is wrong. He dresses quickly and goes to the pool house. He doesn't read the letter. He puts it in his pocket and goes back into the house. 

Seth knocks loudly on his parents' door. Kirsten opens it, startled.

"He's gone. I guess you don't have to worry about him making us look bad anymore…" Seth snaps, turning away.

"What do you mean he's gone? Seth!" Kirsten gasps.

"He was a little too damaged for you, anyway, wasn't he, Mom?" Seth retorts, slamming his door. 

Sandy and Kirsten confirm that Ryan is gone. He didn't leave them a note but the pool house is impeccably clean and everything is exactly the way it was when he moved in. Kirsten sits down on the couch, stunned.

"God, you think he heard me? God, Sandy…I didn't mean it like that…I didn't mean it…"

Sandy embraces her, chilled. He didn't think that Ryan would run away again. "I'll go to his mothers…"

"He wouldn't go there. She told him that she never wants to see him again," Seth says, entering the pool house. He hands the letter to his mother.

__

"Seth. I'm sorry. I can't stay. I'm not your parents responsibility and I won't keep doing this to them. Or to you. You're my brother, Seth and that will never change. But I'm not their son and I can't keep making them take care of me. I'm better off on my own. I'll be fine, I can take care of myself. I'm not going back to my mother, wasn't too happy about my loyalty to your parents so I'm not welcome there ever again. I'm not going to Austin. That's just too far. I'll miss you. Don't worry. You'll hear from me."

"I'll call the police," Sandy states as Kirsten starts to cry harder. 

"Just let it go, Dad. Just let him go…" Seth mutters.

"I will not let him go! It's Ryan! He's your best friend and you're just going to let him go?" Sandy replies, startled at his son's suggestion.

"Yeah, Dad! This is killing him! He's doing everything he can to please everybody and he's not getting anything back! Dammit…" Seth turns away from his parents, trying to calm himself. "You didn't see him last night. He promised me he wouldn't leave and then we heard you talking. He's not coming back. He's gone."


	4. Four

*****

Two months go by and there is no word from Ryan. Sandy has filed all the necessary paperwork and he's classified as a runaway. The police are also looking for him for violating his probation. Seth has become quiet and solemn, a faded version of his former self. He doesn't forgive his parents for driving Ryan away.

Marissa, devastated by Ryan's abrupt desertion, is now Seth's close friend. Seth, Summer and Marissa spend a lot of time together but don't associate with the Newport elite anymore. 

Seth is waiting for Summer and Marissa to return from the bathroom of the Crab Shack when he glances up and sees the figure slide into the booth across from him. Sunglasses. Shaggy blond hair curtaining his face. Jagged scar across his neck. Unshaven stubble on his chin.

"Hey," He mutters.

"Holy shit," Seth barely recognizes Ryan.

"Can you talk?" Ryan lowers his sunglasses to reveal his blue eyes.

"Marissa and Summer are coming right back…what are you doing here?" Seth whispers, shocked but happier than he's been since Ryan left.

"I told you that I'd try and check in. Or I meant to tell you. Here. Give me a call when you can talk…" Ryan scribbles a number on a napkin as he stands up.

"Wait, I can talk, don't leave…" Seth protests.

"I'm still lying low, Seth. I don't want the girls to see me. Call me and we'll meet up." Ryan smiles at him. "It's really good to see you." Seth stands up and embraces him heartily before he disappears.

"Seth? Seth? Who was that, Seth?" Marissa is beside him in seconds.

"Uh…an old friend…" Seth stutters. 

"Too skinny to be Ryan," Summer mutters. "Sit down, girl and cool your jets."

"Was it him? Was it Ryan?" Marissa demands. 

."No, Marissa. It was an older friend than Ryan," Seth lies, sitting down. He's pale. 

Summer gasps. "It was Ryan! What did he say?"

Seth is silent. He shrugs.

"I hate you. You're trying to be him or something," Marissa hisses, flushed because he won't tell her.

"I'm trying to protect him. He didn't want you guys to see him…"

"How'd he look?" Marissa asks, putting her hand on Seth's arm, apologetically. 

"Old. He looks old."

Seth takes the girls home and sits in the Range Rover holding his cell phone. He dials the number.

"Yeah."

"Ryan?"

"Must be Seth. Hey."

"Damn, man…damn…"

Seth can hear the smile in his friend's voice. "If I give you my address, will you come alone?"

"Yeah, man, yeah…you've got a place?"

"Don't get too excited, it's like a slum. But it's mine." Ryan gives him an address and Seth immediately pulls back onto the street. An hour later, he pulls the truck up to an apartment building. Ryan meets him on the sidewalk, a cigarette hanging out of his mouth.

"Goddamn, man…you look good," Ryan grins, embracing him.

"It is damn good to see you, man…god…" Seth replies.

"Come on in," Ryan says, leading him into the building.

Ryan's studio apartment is painfully small but Seth immediately feels at home. Ryan has a new black couch pulled out into a bed and that is all his furniture. The walls are plastered with movie posters and concert fliers. Even though there is no furniture, the kitchen is stocked with food. 

"Damn, man, you're doing…what are you doing? How are you staying here?"

"I'll tell you everything, Seth, but…you know you can't tell anyone. I mean, I should be in juvie for this and I really don't want to go there…" Ryan hesitates.

"Ryan, damn…I'm not going to tell…"

Ryan smiles and sits down beside him on the sofa bed. He pulls out his wallet. "Look. I'm not Ryan Atwood anymore. I'm Brian Wood. I'm twenty and I have all the paperwork to prove it…"

"What the fuck, man, how the hell did you do that?"

"I met this guy and he really helped me out. He got busted right after me, though. So, since I'm legal and all, I got a job working construction. I just got this place last week," Ryan admits.

"Where were you staying before that?"

Ryan stands up and goes into the kitchen. "On the street. Not shelters, the cops check there. I did okay." He holds up a beer and Seth nods. Ryan brings him a beer, already drinking from his own. "What about you? How much wreckage did I leave?"

"Damn, man. Mom and Dad broke down. They tried to make me go to counseling because I was so pissed at how they handled the whole situation…"

"It's not their fault…" Ryan replies.

"I know, but it's not yours either. They just couldn't understand how I would take your side…"

"You took my side? Thanks, man, but I don't deserve your loyalty," Ryan interrupts. 

"Do you want to hear my story?" Seth grins.

"Yeah," Ryan replies. 

"Anyway. They ended up in counseling and I ended up with Summer and Marissa watching me like I'm about to break down. But I knew you'd be okay," Seth says. "Somehow, I knew."

"I'm not okay, Seth. This sucks. It's really hard," Ryan replies. "But it means a lot that you supported me. I thought…I thought you'd be pissed…"

"Well, I am pissed. You ditched me…but you really didn't ditch me, that's what I realized. You had to get out of there. I'm sorry, and I don't really agree with it, but shit…you did what you had to do." Seth smiles at him slightly, nudging him. "You've done pretty damn good for yourself."

"God, man, I'm so tired…" Ryan admits. His eyes are sunken in from exhaustion and he is thinner. "Are you hungry? I've got a couple of hours before I go to my night job."

"You've got a night job, too?"

"Hell yes. I don't go to school anymore, kid, what else am I supposed to do?" Ryan jokes. He stands up and starts to pace nervously.

Seth is glad to see that Ryan's spirits are up but he is worried about his friend. Despite the amount of food in the kitchen, all Seth notices in the trash can is beer cans and liquor bottles. 

"So. Is it better? Are you better?" Seth asks.

Ryan sits down again and sighs. "You really want to know?"

"Yeah. I do."

"This really sucks, Seth. I really think I screwed up," Ryan admits.

"Really? How come?"

"Look at me, Seth." Ryan meets his gaze. Seth's eyes immediately drop to the scar on his neck. "I'm not Ryan anymore. I'm Brian Wood. I don't exist. I dropped out of school. I'm going to work my ass off for the rest of my life and I'll never get any further than I am right now. The cops are looking for me." His eyes dull for a moment. "You know my mom died?"

Seth gasps. "What?"

"Overdosed. I haven't seen her since that night. I heard from Trey…" Ryan replies. "So…so, what is all this for, Seth? I mean…I threw everything away…I'm just fucked now…"

"Come on, Ryan. It can't be that bad," Seth replies quietly. "Things will get better."

"Yeah, I got this place, right? I might be getting a promotion at work next week. So I guess life goes on for Brian Wood, right?"

"Ryan. If you want me to talk to my parents…"

"That's not why I asked you here. I wanted to see you. I wanted to show you that I was okay," Ryan replies.

"But you're not okay."

"I'm closer."

"So what are we going to do now?"

"I'm going to make dinner and you can eat," Ryan replies, going into the kitchen. 

Seth feels like his old self as he fills Ryan in on the Newport gossip. Ryan cooks and they eat side by side on the edge of the sofa bed. 

"Where are you working at night?"

"It's a 24 hour tow truck place. The owner's great, he's like an old grandpa. I fix cars. I'm good at it, Seth. It feels good to be good at something."

"What about your mom? Are you okay with that?"

"At least she died doing something she loved," Ryan responds indifferently.

"Ryan…"

"No, I'm cool with it. That part of my life is over. I've moved on." Ryan nods. 

Seth's cell phone rings and he answers it. Ryan disappears with a handful of clothes. 

"Seth," He answers.

"Seth, it's your mom, where are you?"

"Oh, I'm out with Marissa and Summer…what's up?"

"I already called Marissa and Summer. Where are you?" Kirsten demands.

"I'm on my way home. I'll see you in a little while, I can't talk while I'm driving…" Seth lies.

"Goddammit, Seth. Tell me where you are right now…"  
Ryan appears, concerned, wearing a blue mechanic's uniform. 

"Damn, I'm at the bar, chill. I'm not drunk and I'll be home in an hour or so. Damn." Seth hangs up.

"You talk to your mom like that?" Ryan asks, surprised.

"I've changed a lot, too. I guess I'm more jaded now. Marissa and Summer say I'm more like you," Seth says quietly.

"Dude, don't do that. Man, you are the coolest dude I know," Ryan says. "You're always so upbeat and enthusiastic about life…"  
"Yeah, but I had my best friend by my side. I was the funny one and he was the broody one. Now, I know what life's really all about," Seth replies.

Ryan lowers his gaze.

"Don't worry about it. I've got your number. We'll hang out. If you think that can be done…" Seth starts.

"I don't want to get you in trouble, Seth…"

"You won't. Do you think we can hang out?"

"Yeah. I'm actually off all day on Sunday," Ryan replies.

"Cool. I'll call you."

"Seth. How's Marissa?"

"She misses you."

Ryan opens the door and walks with Seth to the street. "If you trust her, Seth. She can come. If she wants."

Seth smiles. "Good. Can I bring Summer?"

Ryan raises an eyebrow.

"If I trust her?" Seth smiles.

"I want to hear that story," Ryan says. "Sure." They shake hands and Seth leaves for home.

When he gets home, Sandy and Kirsten are waiting for him.

"You're grounded. Give me your phone." Sandy takes the phone from his hand and puts it in his pocket. "Where were you?"

"I was…"

"Seth, dammit…just tell us where you were? You were supposed to be here three hours ago…" Kirsten says, frustrated.

"…Shit…" Seth had forgotten about his meeting with his grandfather to discuss college.

"Where were you, Seth? This was really important to your mother and your grandfather…" Sandy sighs.

"I was…I'm sorry. I spaced. I totally forgot about it…"

"Have you been drinking?" Kirsten asks suddenly. "Beer? Seth…"  
"You have, like, supersensitive smell, Mom, you should be a superhero…" Seth starts.

"This isn't funny…" Sandy starts, pausing. "Wait. Why are you in such a good mood?"

"I'm grounded. You have my phone so I can't call Grandpa and apologize so I'm going to my room and think about what I've done. Goodnight." Seth goes to his room and locks the door behind him. And smiles. 

*****

The next day at school, Seth is in an upbeat mood all day. At lunch, Summer can't take it anymore. She yanks his sandwich out of his hand and drops it on the grass, grinding it into the dirt.

"You aren't eating anything else until you tell me what the hell happened to you last night? Did you get laid? Are you on drugs?" Summer demands.

"What?" Seth chokes, laughing.

"You! You've been all depressed guy for weeks and now…"  
"What are you guys doing on Sunday?" Seth asks, turning to Marissa.

"I think my social calendar is clear," Marissa replies, slowly.

"Good. That's good. You guys will find out on Sunday why I'm happy. Until then, I'm grounded." The bell rings for class and Seth vanishes.

"What was that all about?" Summer asks Marissa.

"He's going to take us to Ryan," Marissa says, breaking into a small smile.

"Oh. Never mind. You've got the disease, too," Summer sighs. 

*****

Seth calls Ryan's number Sunday morning. He leaves a message with Marissa's cell phone number and gets a call back an hour later. He's at Marissa's apartment with Summer. Jimmy is out of town.

"Seth?"

"Hey, man. We still on for today?"

"Yeah, if you're not busy. I even splurged and bought a TV and a DVD player. I mean, I've got a surfboard, too but I can't really go to Newport Beach with you or anything."

"Why don't we decide when we get there."

"You bringing the girls?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. I'll keep an eye out for you."

Seth hangs up and turns to the girls. "Ready?"

"He's really…he's really okay?"

"He's got a place. Really ghetto, but its his. I mean, I think he's still really messed up but he's doing the only thing he can. Let's go. You'll see." Seth leads them to the Range Rover.

Seth pulls the truck up to Ryan's building a while later. He stops the truck and Marissa's door swings open and Ryan pulls her out of the truck into a hug. Once she gets over her surprise, she hugs him tightly in return and starts to cry.

Seth locks up and waits with Summer for them to separate. Finally, Summer clears her throat.

"I need air conditioning," Summer announces. 

Ryan pulls away from Marissa. "I don't have much. But I do have air conditioning," He says. He leads them to his apartment.

"Damn, this isn't what I expected. No rats. No roaches. Nice, Chino," Summer nods.

Marissa is holding Ryan's hand and once they are inside she turns around and starts to examine him. "You've lost weight. What happened to your neck? Oh my God…" She tugs on his shirt collar to expose the long scar.

"Hey. It's cool," Ryan says, taking her hand away. "Things were rough for a little while. But they leveled out."

"How'd you get the day off?"

"Man, 10 hour nights at the garage and then all day at the construction site…I'm due a day off," Ryan replies, passing out beers to everyone.

"How do you swing that?" Seth asks, confused.

"Five days a week at the site and four nights at the shop. I usually work Saturday and Sunday and get to catch up on my sleep."

"How much is this place?" Marissa asks.

"Not too much. I need the money, though. I'm trying to save up money," Ryan replies. He lapses into an explanation of his fake credentials and new name.

"Brian Wood. Clever. And you answer when people call you Brian?" Marissa smiles.

"It sounds enough like my name that it's not a big deal. I answer when Summer calls me Chino," He smiles.

Ryan pulls the couch out and they sprawl out to watch bootleg DVDs that Ryan had bought from the movie theatre across the street. They keep the conversation light but Seth and Marissa seem to notice that Ryan is drinking and not eating and that he's exhausted.

Summer and Marissa finally doze off and nap and Ryan and Seth got to the fire escape. Ryan lights a cigarette.

"You don't like me as much today," Ryan says quietly.

"I'm just worried about you."

"You think I should call your dad?" Ryan asks.

"What do you think?" Seth responds.

Ryan takes a long drag off his cigarette. "I think about it all the time. All they did for me and I just bounced. You said they took it hard and I hadn't really…I didn't think that it would actually bother them."

"They consider you their son," Seth says slowly. "He's not going to be mad…just really relieved. I mean, you kind of fucked up your probation so you'd have to go to juvie…"

Ryan sighs. "Living with my mom was tough. Juvie was worse. But living on the streets, Seth…God…there are a lot of different kinds of evil," He shudders.

"How'd you get the scar, Ryan?"

Ryan flicks his cigarette into the street. "You think that scar's rough?" He pulls his t-shirt off and turns around. Seth gasps, seeing the slashes across his back. 

"Fucking creep sliced me up for picking his pocket. I mean, I shouldn't have been stealing, but this was really harsh punishment," Ryan snorts, pulling his shirt back on. 

"You're working to keep your mind off how fucked up your life is," Seth says quietly.

Ryan nods. "Yeah. I do shit that's cut and dried. I put buildings and cars together. That's what I do all the time and I'm good at it. But I wish…I wish I believed all those things that your parents believed…that I could go to college…that I could be something more…"

"Let me talk to my dad, Ry. I won't tell him where you are. I'll just find out…I'll test the waters a little, okay? See what I can find out about your options with your probation and all," Seth offers.

"I don't know. What I have now is pretty good for me. I don't want to fuck it up."

"I won't. I won't even tell him that I've talked to you…"

"Seth. I can't make any promises. I don't think that after the way I left…I can't go back," Ryan says seriously.

"I'm not asking you to come back. Just let me talk to my Dad. If you think…"

"Seth. The only think I'm asking is that you don't tell him where I am. Don't tell him my name…I don't know…dammit, Seth…"

"Hey. You're tired. I'm going to take the girls home. I want you to do something for me."

Ryan lights a cigarette and looks at him, expectantly.

"Sleep. Please. When's the next time you're off?"

"I'm off…shit…I just got another job at the movie theater over there on my free days," Ryan remembers.

"You can't make time for me?" Seth asks quietly.

"Leave me some numbers. I'll let you know. I mean, you're always welcome, man. I'd give you a key, but the door doesn't really…lock," Ryan smiles. 

"Really?" Seth asks, surprised.

"Yeah. I don't want you running away and thinking you can stay here or anything," Ryan replies, seriously. "But if I come home and you're here, it'd be like coming home to the pool house." He slaps Seth's hand. "'Cause we're family, right?"

"Yeah."  
Seth takes Marissa and Summer home, reluctantly. Ryan gave Marissa his number but also a warning that he was rarely home. Seth is surprised to find both his parents home when he gets back later that night.

He walks into the house and his parents are sitting in the den.

"Hey. Dad, can I talk to you?" Seth asks.

Kirsten and Sandy look up in surprise. Their son hasn't wanted to 'talk' to anyone in weeks.

"Sure." Sandy follows Seth to the patio and they both sit down.

"Everything's cool and all…I just have a few hypothetical questions," Seth says quietly.

"Okay. Are you sure everything's cool?" Sandy asks.

"Yeah. It's all cool."

"Okay. Just checking. Ask away," Sandy replies.

Seth sighs. "Hypothetically…if Ryan were to turn up one day and face up to his probation violations…what would happen?"

Sandy's face is surprised but he doesn't immediately burst out with questions, careful of the situation. "It depends. He could go to juvenile hall if no one assumed responsibility for him. Kirsten and I are his legal guardians. It's very possible that he could avoid juvie…conditionally. It might depend on what he's been doing for the past two months."

"How possible is it that he could avoid juvie?" Seth asks.

"It's a good possibility, Seth," Sandy replies.

Seth nods, thoughtful. 

"Can I ask you, hypothetically, of course…if Ryan's okay?" Sandy asks, cautiously.

"I've…hypothetically…talked to him. He's doing okay. He's on his own. His mother's dead and…he's working…he's supporting himself…"

"How? He's just a kid…" 

"Hypothetically, he might have a new identity with fake credentials…" Seth mutters.

Sandy is silent. "He's a smart kid. Damn…but he's okay?"

"I'm trying…I'm going to try and talk to him. I just wanted to have something to tell him. Something that I could trust."

"His mother's dead…he's not in school…" Sandy mutters, processing.

"Dad. Let me try and fix this…give me a few days…let me talk to him…"

"Will you…okay, Seth. Trust goes both ways. I should have listened to you when you tried to talk to me about Ryan. Just…will you try and get him to call me? If I could just talk to him…" Sandy says.

"I'll talk to him, Dad. I'm just trying not to scare him away," Seth admits. "Are you going to tell Mom?"

"Not tonight. I'll give you a few days."

"Thanks, Dad," Seth replies, sincerely.


	5. Five

AN: A little tidbit to tide over all the awesome readers. Thanks for the reviews. Sorry that my writer's block isn't responding, but I'm better at least. 

Seth leaves Ryan several messages but doesn't get a call on his cell phone until the next Friday.

"Hey."

"Hey. What's going on?" Seth asks, closing the door to his room. 

"I've been working my ass off. I've been too tired to check my messages. You and Marissa are the only people that have the number…"

"Then why do you have a phone?"

"Because you and Marissa have the number," Ryan replies.

"You free?"

"I think I'm calling in sick to the shop. I'm dead. If you want to come by and watch me sleep, feel free."

"What if I brought my Dad?"

"What? No."

"Would you meet him somewhere? Neutral territory?"

"Why are you doing this, Seth?" 

"Because you should be here. You're Ryan, not Brian. You should be here," Seth states.

"Seth, man…I can't…I can't do that."

"Please. Give me a shot. Meet us somewhere. Anywhere…name something, man, you know you need to do this. You need to make peace. He just wants to see you," Seth pleads.

"I don't know…"

"No cops. Just talk. I promise. I swear to you, Ryan."

Ryan is silent. 

"Please."

"There's a pub downtown. It's like a restaurant. I have some friends there so if I need to make a run for it. I trust you, Seth, and I trust Sandy, but…I need to feel like I can get the hell out if I need to," Ryan confesses.

"Fine. Tell me where and we'll be waiting for you. No pressure, though," Seth says. He takes down directions and hangs up. He goes downstairs and finds his parents in the den, watching TV. Sandy looks up, surprised to see him.

"Dad, can you take a ride with me?" Seth asks.

"Where are you taking your father?"

"To a bar. We're going to have margaritas and martinis for St. Patrick's Day…" Seth replies. 

Kirsten smirks at him. "That makes just enough sense for me to not ask any more questions."

"Where are we going?" Sandy asks outside.

"To a bar. Seriously. It's a restaurant, too, supposedly, but knowing Ryan these days, it's highly probable that it's a bar," Seth says, unlocking the Rover and getting in the driver's seat.

"He agreed to see me?"

"Yeah. Provided you don't call the cops on him or try and kidnap him or anything all crazy. Do you think you can just talk to him? And let him walk away when we're done?"

Sandy hesitates. "I just want to talk to him. I won't betray his trust or yours. But I hope we can get him to come home with us."

Seth and Sandy find the restaurant and take a seat by the door.

"Am I going to recognize him?" Sandy asks.

"Maybe. His hair's longer. He got more scars…there he is…" Seth spots Ryan entering through a back door by the bar. The bartender stops and talks with him for a few minutes before Ryan spots them. He's wearing worn jeans and a blue t-shirt that Seth had given him months ago under a thin leather jacket. He lowers his sunglasses and gives Seth a questioning look.

Seth waves him over. 

"Ryan…"  
"Hi, Mr. Cohen. Don't use my name too loud in here," Ryan replies sitting down beside Seth in the booth.

Sandy is clearly controlling himself and his questions. 

"You in trouble for missing work?" Seth asks, trying to distract Ryan from his stricken father.

Ryan shrugs. "Apparently I fell asleep under a Civic last night and the boss thinks I need a break."

"You look tired. Seth says you're working," Sandy manages.

"Night and day. Hard work. Helps me sleep at night," Ryan replies.

"Want to tell me about what's been going on? How you're doing? How I can make this right?" Sandy asks.

Ryan smiles slightly, turning to Seth. "Some things never change." The bartender brings Ryan a drink from the bar and Sandy watches the exchange silently.

Ryan glances at him. "I'm not playing at sixteen. I'm jumping ahead a few years for survival's sake." He pulls his shirt down to give Sandy a better glimpse of the scar on his neck. "This is what happens when you play at sixteen."

"So, you're passing for older so you can work," Sandy says, not able to look at the scar.

"That and the whole probation thing…" Ryan mutters.

Sandy nods.

"So. How you been? How's Mrs. Cohen?" Ryan asks quietly.

"Devastated. She thinks you left because of her. Because of something she said…" Sandy starts.

"Hey. I left because of me. I was making everything worse so I left to stop from damaging anything else…" Ryan says.

"You weren't damaging anything. You were trying to do what you had to do to get your life straight. I understand that now. There has to be a way that we can take care of this. Take care of you," Sandy says slowly.

Seth glances from his father to Ryan, startled by the intensity. Ryan is trembling. "I'm going to give you guys a minute," He says, standing up.

"Ryan. I'm not here to come down on you. I want you to come home. I can keep you out of juvie…" Sandy starts, speaking seriously to try and get through to the younger man.

"I don't know…I don't think I can. I don't even understand why you'd even want to see me…I mean…I took advantage of your hospitality…"

"Ryan. We wanted you to stay with us. We wanted to take care of you. Seeing your mother hurt you…just imagine how you'd feel if somebody was hurting Seth and you couldn't stop it."

Ryan meets his eyes for a second and Sandy sees that he has made a little headway.

Sandy sighs. "So. You've got the shakes. Drinking?"

"If I don't drink…I shake. Just like my mom." Ryan snorts. "She's dead now, you know."

"Seth mentioned it. What happened?"

"She was shooting up heroin the last time I saw her. The night I left. I hadn't seen her since. I called Trey and he said she OD'd a few weeks ago. She had lost the house. She was living in her car. Turning tricks to support her habit. AJ's back with his wife." Ryan finishes his drink. 

"Ryan, I can't believe all that you've done. You've really made a life for yourself. A new name, a new job…"

"I got an apartment, too. It's not much but it's better than the street," Ryan adds.

"But you know that no matter what your drivers license says, you're still sixteen. I want you to think about coming home…"

"Mr. Cohen…"

"I'm not forcing you to do anything. I'm asking you. Come back with me. You can go back to school. You can be a kid again. You don't have to live like this," Sandy urges.

Ryan glances up as the bartender replaces his empty glass with a fresh one. "Thanks, Joe."

"No problem, Brian," The man smiles. Sandy doesn't look up.

Ryan sighs. "I don't know. I…I don't know…"

"Ryan. How many jobs do you have?"

"Two full time…two part time…I'm managing…"

Sandy holds up his hand, his palm down. "Do this. Hold out your hand." Ryan obeys, curious as to the point. He can't hold his hand level because of his shaking.

"How long do you think you can go on like this? Aren't you tired?"

"God, yeah, I'm tired, Mr. Cohen…"

"Don't call me that. It's Sandy. You have to stop thinking of me as your attorney, Ryan…" Sandy replies. 

Ryan sighs, covering his face with his hand. Seth returns, seeing the increased tension at the table.

"Everything's cool, isn't it?" Seth asks.

"Yeah. Sandy's just giving me some things to think about," Ryan mutters. 

"Good things?" Seth asks.

"Can I have a few days to think about it? I mean…I have…I have to think about it…"

Sandy nods slowly. 

"Thanks," Ryan replies, relieved. Something starts to buzz and Ryan pulls a pager out of his pocket. 

"High rolling…" Seth smiles.

"Work. I'll be back. I need to call in," Ryan sighs. He goes to the bar.

"How's it going?" Seth asks his father.

"I think…I think he's going to think about it," Sandy admits.

Ryan returns. "Okay, so I do have to go to work. Big call came in and they need me. But I'm…I'm glad you guys came and I'll think about what you said."

Seth slaps hands with Ryan and Sandy takes the opportunity to embrace Ryan. 

"I'll give you a call in a few days," Ryan tells him. "If that's okay."

"I'll be expecting it. Kirsten's going to have my head when I tell her that I saw you without telling her."

Ryan nods. "Sorry. I'll call. Take care."


	6. Six

*****

For Ryan, the days blur together. He thinks about Sandy's offer but focuses on his work. Get up, shower, got to the site. Go home, shower, go to the garage. Sleep. Finally, he has an entire 24 hours without work. He gets home and sees his answering machine blinking. Seven messages. Four from Seth and three from Marissa. He lies down on the bed and dials Seth's cell phone. He leaves a message. He dials the Cohens' number.

"Hello?" Kirsten answers.

"Mrs. Cohen…" Ryan starts, pausing when Kirsten gasps.

"Ryan…god…how are you?"

"I'm okay. I'm tired. How are you?"

"I want you to come home. I'll be fine when you come home."

"Is Sandy or Seth home? I promised I'd call…"

"Did you think about what he said?"

"Yeah."

"And?" 

"I don't know yet…its…why do you even want me back? That's what I don't understand…"  
"You're family. That's why. Like it or not, you're a part of this family," Kirsten says.

Ryan is silent. 

"Hold on. I'll get Sandy for you."

"Thanks."

After a long pause, Ryan hears Sandy's voice. "Hey. I was worried."

"Sorry. I stay pretty busy."

"How you doing?"

"I don't know yet. Let me get some sleep and I'll let you know."

"Ryan…"

"I thought about it," Ryan says.

"And?"

"And I don't think it's a good idea. As much as I want it to be…"  
"You…" Sandy sighs.

"I just don't think it would work any better this time."

"Ryan. You were making straight A's. Seth turned in your term paper for you and the dean called us to ask about you because it was so impressive. You can do this. I'm sorry about your mother…but don't you want to be a part of this family? You're already a part of it, everyone knows that but you…"

Ryan doesn't speak.

"Can I see you again?" Sandy asks.

Ryan looks at the bottle of whiskey in his hand. He is chilled. He should have started drinking earlier. 

"Ryan?"

"Hang on." Ryan drops the phone and goes to the bathroom, stricken with nausea. He throws up violently. Recovered, he returns to the phone.

"Ryan?"

"Yeah. I'm back. You want to meet?"

"Yeah, Ryan. I talked to your probation officer and a couple of judges. I can make this all go away. You can come home. No questions asked. The school is willing to let you back in provided that you catch up on the work you missed and…"

"Why is this so important to you?"

"Because you are better than what you're doing. You could be so much more and I feel like I didn't get through to you last time… I feel like I fucked it up because I didn't try and help you more…"

"So this is all your fault? Damn, I thought I was the one that ran away from the best thing I ever had…" Ryan replies, smiling.

"What do you want me to say to make you reconsider? Kirsten is prepared to beg…"

"No, that's okay. I believe you."

"So what's the problem? We want you here. Talk to me. Tell me why you're hesitating…" Sandy starts. 

Ryan is quiet. "Listen. I'm going to get some sleep. Why don't you ask Seth if he can bring you over. Kirsten, too, if she wants. We'll talk about it. Okay?"

"Really? You don't think…okay, Ryan…"

"No cops, Sandy. Please…"

"Still no trust?" Sandy asks.

"You know better that that. This is just caution."

"Nobody wants to see you arrested," Sandy replies.

"Okay. Just come on up when you get here." Ryan hangs up, his exhaustion overtaking him. He is asleep before the phone lands in the cradle. 

He barely registers the knocking on the door. He sleepily staggers to the door and swings it open. 

"Punk. Sleeping in the middle of the day," Seth grins, walking in.

"Some people have to work for a living," Ryan replies, smiling as his friend embraces him.

"Ryan…" Kirsten is already crying as she embraces him tightly. "You're so thin…"

"It's all muscle," Ryan responds. "I'm fine…" 

She is examining him carefully as Sandy closes the door to the apartment. "This scar…god…"

"It's all healed now. It happened a while ago," Ryan replies, clearly uncomfortable with her attention. 

"You poor child…" She mutters, hugging him again.

"So this is your place? Not bad for being under the radar, Ryan, not bad at all," Sandy nods. 

Seth is helping himself to food in the kitchen.

"Ryan. Please. Can we talk to you?" Kirsten is desperate to make things right.

"Hey. Everything's cool. There's no hard feelings, no apologies to be made except for mine. Okay? I'm sorry. I have a nice habit of ruining things…"

Kirsten has embraced him again.

"You didn't ruin anything. But you've got to learn how to deal with things instead of running…"

"Yeah. I kind of figured that out," Ryan replies. He pulls away.

"You look so tired, Ryan…are you coming home?"

Ryan meets Seth's gaze, his blue eyes filled with confusion.

Sandy puts his hand on his wife's arm. "Kirsten…"

"Sorry. We're giving you space. We're giving you time to make sure its what you really want…" Kirsten says, quietly, composing herself. 

"Excuse me a second?" Ryan takes several steps back and then goes into the bathroom. He's sick. He slept for too long and his body is craving alcohol. 

"Hey. You okay?" Seth is standing outside the bathroom door when Ryan recovers.

Ryan nods his head toward the fire escape and they step outside. Ryan lights a cigarette.

"Why do you shake, Ryan?"

"'Cause I drink too much. If I don't drink, I shake. God, Seth…what am I supposed to do?" Ryan asks, turning away from Seth.

"Stop fighting. Stop fighting us. Your mother's dead. My parents want you. I need you there. Just come home. Let Dad fix this for you," Seth says quietly.

Ryan is silent.

"Ryan. Come on, man…"  
Ryan turns his back to Seth and grabs the railing tightly and leans over. "This…okay, Seth. Okay."

"Really?" Seth is startled.

"Yeah. Okay. I'm tired. I'm tired of working this hard and I'm tired of stressing out over this. I'm too tired to fight with you anymore. If they want me to come back…if they're willing…" He takes a long drag off his cigarette.

Seth puts his hands on Ryan's shoulders. "You won't regret it, Ryan."

Ryan sighs heavily. "I have to stop drinking, Seth. I think its making me worse…"

"Okay. Come on. It's your house, you shouldn't be hiding on the balcony," Seth says, urging him back inside.

"It's not a balcony, Seth, it's a fire escape," Ryan smiles, following him back inside. 

Kirsten and Sandy are sitting on Ryan's bed, talking quietly.

"You okay?"

"Yeah." Ryan goes into the kitchen and grabs a bottle of water. Seth sits down beside his mom, a small smile on his face.

"So, Ryan…"

"So, I told Seth okay. I'll do whatever you want…" Ryan says quietly. 

"Really?"

"Yeah. Whatever. I'll go to school. I'll work. I'll go to counseling. Whatever," Ryan sighs.

Kirsten goes to him and embraces him. "Okay, honey. You'll let us take care of you…"

"Okay…" Ryan concedes.

"Ryan, it's not going to be easy. You have to trust us. You're going to have to accept us as your parents…" Ryan glances at her. "Listen. We love you. We want you with us. But you have to try, too."

"I know. I will."

"You can't drink like this anymore. You have to stop drinking, Ryan," Kirsten says quietly.

"I know. I just told Seth the same thing," Ryan admits. 

"Okay, Ryan."

Sandy is already talking on his cell phone.

"I need a couple of days to get my affairs in order…" Ryan says quietly.

"Ryan, you're sixteen. The people you're working for could get into a lot of trouble if they find out…"

"This guy at the garage, he's been really good to me. I owe him an explanation. I'll just call the construction site but I…I need to tell Hank the story," Ryan replies.

"That's fine, Ryan. But I want you to come home tonight," Kirsten says. "You're going to see a doctor and get checked out. We'll find out what to do about the drinking. Okay?" 

Ryan meets her gaze for the first time. "Okay. Whatever you want. Thank you."

She kisses his forehead. 

Sandy is talking quietly on his phone, arranging Ryan's return. 

"You need any help getting your stuff together?" Seth asks, at his side now. 

"I don't have that much…I'll get it," Ryan says. His pager starts to buzz. He picks it up off the counter. 

"Work?" Seth asks,

"Hank. I'm going to call in. Tell him that I'm quitting," Ryan sighs. He goes to the phone. 

"It's Brian. Yeah. Listen, I can't work for you anymore. It's a long story. Yeah, everything's fine. I'm not sick…Hank, wait. Listen. I'm only sixteen and I ran away from the people that I was staying with and I'm going back now." Ryan turns away from Seth and Kirsten's curious looks. "They're not mean, I was just out of my head at the time….really…thanks, Hank and I'm sorry about the short notice…yeah. You, too." He hangs up. 

"Okay." Sandy goes to Ryan's side. "Get your things."

Ryan sighs. He starts gathering his sparse belongings. In ten minutes, he's packed and standing unsteadily in the kitchen.

"Is that it?" Sandy asks.

"Almost," Ryan replies. He walks past them and stands on the couch, reaching up to the air conditioning vent. He pulls the grate off and reaches in, grabbing a thick envelope. 

"What's that?" Seth asks. Ryan tosses him the envelope as he climbs down. It's full of money. "Whoa."

"I can't believe you did all this," Sandy says, leading Ryan down the stairs to the Rover.

"He's a survivor," Kirsten says, her hand on Ryan's shoulder as if she's afraid he's going to bolt.

"What about my probation?" Ryan asks.

"You have an appointment tomorrow with your probation officer and some counselors to evaluate your flight risk. We're going to take you straight to the doctor's now…"

"I'm not sick…" Ryan protests.

"You're too thin and…you need to get checked out." Kirsten sighs. 

"It's your old friend, Dr. Levin. He's got a clinic now and he said for us to bring you right down…" Sandy explains.

"Dr. Levin? How'd you swing that?"

"We contacted him when we were looking for you," Sandy replies. "He's been calling us regularly for updates. He wants to give you a full physical."

Ryan rolls his eyes and Seth laughs. He climbs into the Rover and leans his head against the window. Within minutes, he's asleep.

"I don't know how you did it, Seth, but thank you," Kirsten whispers.

Seth sighs, relieved that he is bringing his brother home.

At Dr. Levin's office, Ryan is immediately put into a room to wait. The doctor talks to Sandy and Kirsten briefly and gets an explanation of where he's been for the past two months. 

Dr. Levin joins Ryan after a short wait. 

"Well. The prodigal returns. How are you feeling?" The doctor asks.

"I'm tired."

"Two full time jobs," Dr. Levin shakes his head as he puts the stethoscope against Ryan's chest. "That'll make anybody tired. Take off your shirt, Ryan. You know the drill."

Ryan removes his shirt. Dr. Levin doesn't speak for a moment.

"How'd that happen?" He asks finally.

"I picked the wrong guy's pocket. That's all."

"Did you see a doctor?"

"No. I took care of it," Ryan replies.

"Okay, Ryan. I'm not here to lecture. I'm going to order some x-rays and I'm going to draw some blood. You've lost significant weight, too…"

"I'm drinking, Dr. Levin. On a daily basis. Kirsten says that you should know that," Ryan states quietly.

"How are your eating habits?"

"I haven't…I really don't eat that much. I just drink," Ryan sighs. 

"At least you're honest." The doctor motions for Ryan to sit down on the examining table. He pulls out a needle and starts drawing blood. "Any drugs?"

"No drugs. Smoking again."

"Such a nasty habit for you, Ryan. We've talked about that."

"I know," Ryan replies. 

Dr. Levin looks at Ryan, his voice gentle. "You've always been a good kid, Ryan. I'm glad you decided to come back with the Cohens. They were worried sick about you."

"I lost my bearings a little. My mom was all fucked up…"

"Your mom has always been fucked up, Ryan."

"She's dead," Ryan states.

"Really? I'm sorry, Ryan. I'm sorry that she hurt you and I'm sorry that it took her dying for you to move on," Dr. Levin says quietly.

"Me, too."

"Okay."

Dr. Levin takes x-rays and takes the blood to the lab. Three hours after bringing Ryan to the office, the Cohens stand up when the doctor walks back into the deserted waiting room with him.

"Sandy and Kirsten? Do you want to step into my office with Ryan? I'll go over my findings," Dr. Levin says. 

In his office, Ryan is silent. He listens as Dr. Levin tells the Cohens that he is underweight and has a drinking problem. He isn't sure when, but he dozes off. Kirsten wakes him up, holding out a bag of prescriptions.

"I didn't know narcolepsy was a problem of yours," Dr. Levin teases.

"Sorry. Did I miss anything important?"

"Nothing that the Cohens can't fill you in on," Dr. Levin replies. "And I'll see you next week."

"Next week?"

"Yes, sir," Dr. Levin replies. "We're going to be monitoring you to make sure we get you healthy again."

Ryan nods. 

"Let's go home, Ryan," Sandy says. They rejoin Seth and leave the office for home. 

Ryan falls asleep again in the car.

"So. Is he okay?" Seth asks, watching Ryan sleep with his hand across his face leaning against the window.

"He'll be fine. He has to deal with his drinking but Dr. Levin thinks he can do it without going to a rehab facility…" Kirsten replies.

"I knew he was drinking a lot but…I didn't think it was that big of a deal…"

"He's home now. Everything is going to be okay. Seth, why don't you help him get settled into the pool house?" Sandy says, pulling the truck into the driveway. 

Ryan sits up, yawning as Seth opens the door he is leaning against.

"Hey," Ryan mutters. He gets out.

"Seth's going to get you settled in and then you guys can come in for dinner," Kirsten says. 

Ryan nods. 

"Welcome home, Ryan," Sandy smiles. 

In the pool house, things are exactly as Ryan left them. His books are still setting on the desk beside a stack of graded papers. 

"Dude. I'm really glad you're here. Finally," Seth says, sitting down on the couch. 

"Yeah. It's nice. Thanks, man." Ryan drops his backpack beside the bed. 

"So. You okay?"

Ryan pauses. "Have you ever seen anyone dry out?"

"What?" Seth questions.

"I've been drinking for weeks, Seth. I'm seriously about to be sick." Ryan sits down on the bed. "My mom used to hallucinate and shit. We had to lock her in the bathroom for a couple of days."

"Oh. What did the doctor say? Can we just drug you up?" Seth questions.

"I fell asleep. I'm fucking tired," Ryan admits.

"Well. Let's go eat and then we'll get you all tucked in for bed," Seth teases.

"Watch it," Ryan threatens, smiling.

Kirsten is attempting to cook in the kitchen while Sandy runs interference between the smoke alarm and the ringing phone.

Ryan immediately relieves her in front of the stove while Seth pulls her away.

"Hey, I'm the mom here," Kirsten protests.

"Yes. And you're a very good mom. And arsonist. But you are not a good cook," Seth replies. 

"What was this supposed to be?" Ryan asks, probing inside a covered pot with a fork.

"Nothing…How about sandwiches?" Kirsten offers.

Seth is looking in the refrigerator and he starts passing things to Ryan. Within minutes, the smoke is replaced with the smell of chicken and pasta.

Sandy returns with his phone in his hand. "Kirsten, that smells…"

"See, Ryan? We really did miss you around here…" She laughs, genuinely happy.

Ryan smiles at her then refocuses on cooking. 

"You got this?" Seth asks a few minutes later, joining him by the stove.

"Actually…I need to go throw up, but I'll be right back. Don't touch anything, Seth," Ryan says, reassuring him with a playful glance about the food and then bolts for the bathroom.

"Seth…" Kirsten starts, worried.

"What did the doctor say about Ryan stopping drinking?" Seth asks.

"That…that he's going to be really sick. He's going to go through withdrawal like with any drug…" Sandy says, realizing what Seth means.

"Did the doctor give you anything for him?"

"Sleeping pills. He said that Ryan's very anti-drug so it should be okay. He's going to be very sick, Seth," Kirsten says.

"He told me. He knows. He said he had to lock his mom in the bathroom," Seth replies.

Ryan returns, paler, but composed. They look at him. "What?"

"You okay?" Seth asks.

"Yeah. I mean, I'm sick, but I'll be mobile for a while now. Give me four hours until I go full blown." Ryan smiles at them. "It's cool. Food should be done, guys."

"So you're cool with the whole puking for days," Seth deadpans.

"Yeah. I'm cool. I knew about this when I signed on. Let's eat," Ryan shrugs, turning off the food and starting to prepare it.

Sandy reassures Kirsten with a glance and she starts setting the table. Ryan only manages to eat a few bites of pasta before returning to the bathroom.


	7. Seven

* * *

  


Sandy convinces everyone to keep eating while he checks on Ryan. He knocks on the bathroom door quietly.

Ryan swings open the door, his eyes slightly glazed. "Yeah. I think I'm going to go lie down if that's okay."

"I'll bring some juice and things for your minifridge. You need to try and keep hydrated," Sandy agrees.

"It might be good that I'm so tired. Maybe I'll sleep through the worst of this," Ryan mutters, leading Sandy from the house to the patio.

"Try it on your own for a few hours and if you have trouble sleeping, Dr. Levin wrote you some prescriptions…"

"No drugs. I don't need them. Vitamins are cool, but no drugs," Ryan responds.

"Ryan, I want you to consider it. You're going to go through a harsh couple of days…"

"I've been through a harsh couple of months, Sandy. I think I can handle it." He steps out of the bathroom puts a hand to his face. "I'm the one that decided to start drinking and its about time I dealt with the consequences."

"Dr. Levin wouldn't have prescribed them if he didn't think you needed them, Ryan. We want you to get through this as smoothly as possible. We want you healthy again," Sandy says.

"It's going to take a while, Sandy…I'm not really as fit as I used to be," Ryan sighs. 

"I know, but you'll get there," Sandy says. "Go on to the poolhouse. We'll be out to check on you after dinner."

"Thanks, Sandy." Ryan slowly makes his way to the poolhouse.

* * *

  


Ryan manages to sleep a few hours before becoming violently sick. Kirsten and Sandy take turns sitting with him in the poolhouse bathroom while he dry heaves and is sick. He passes out with his head on the toilet. His hallucinations don't start until early the next morning. Sandy calls Dr. Levin around nine for advice. The doctor arrives around eleven with his doctor bag in tow.

Kirsten meets him at the door.

"Kirsten. How's Ryan?" Dr. Levin asks as he follows her inside. Kirsten nods toward Seth who is sitting at the counter with a black eye. 

"He's pretty out of it. He doesn't recognize us. Seth tried to keep him from leaving the poolhouse and he punched him," Kirsten explains.

Dr. Levin walks over to Seth and examines his eye silently.

"He didn't recognize you?" Dr. Levin asks him.

"No. He kept asking how I knew his name and where his mom was…he didn't recognize me," Seth replies quietly.

"Put some ice on it and it should help. I should have considered this…" Dr. Levin sighs.

"He told me that it would be rough. I didn't think…that he wouldn't recognize me, though," Seth admits.

"Kirsten, do you want to consider putting him into detox while he dries out? That way, if he got violent they could strap him down to keep him from hurting anyone…or himself," Dr. Levin suggests.

"Shouldn't the worst be over?" Kirsten replies.

"It could be just beginning," Dr. Levin admits. "I'll take a look at him."

"Couldn't you sedate him until it passes?" Kirsten asks.

"That's usually what I recommend for kids his age but…he's totally against drugs of any kind," Dr. Levin replies.

"I don't think he's capable of making that decision now. He thinks he can do this by himself, but…he's in pain and I want to make this as easy for him as possible," Kirsten replies.

"Where's Sandy?"

"He's in the poolhouse on patrol," Seth responds. Kirsten walks with the doctor to the poolhouse.

When Dr. Levin and Kirsten walk in, Sandy is sitting beside the bed holding Ryan's arms. Ryan's eyes are closed but he is struggling violently. Sandy is holding him and keeping him steady. 

"He's trapped in a nightmare," Sandy explains. "If I let him go, he'll try and get up again."

Ryan is deathly pale and trembling. His body is drenched in sweat. He is murmuring under his breath, clearly in turmoil.

"Dr. Levin, there has to be something you can do. If he wakes up in a hospital, we might lose his trust again. Isn't there anything we can do to help him without a hospital?" Kirsten asks. "Money is no object."

"Ryan's against drugs, guys, but as his guardians…I'll sedate him if you think that's best. We can keep him unconscious until the worst of this is over. Has he been sick?"

"He's been puking since dinner last night. He was in the bathroom all night and we just got him well enough to put him to bed early this morning," Sandy says.

"I'd like to hook him up to an IV of saline to rehydrate him. In his current condition, he'd probably rip it out but if we sedate him…"

"Which do you think Ryan would prefer, waking up in a hospital strapped down or waking up here after a few days of drug-induced sleep?" Kirsten asks Sandy.

"Whatever you need, Dr. Levin. Sedate him. We'll explain everything to him when he's actually lucid again," Sandy says to the doctor.

"Okay," Dr. Levin replies. He glances at Sandy and sees a bruise on his face much like Seth's bruise. "He hit you, too?"

"Yeah. He doesn't know any of us. I don't know who he thought I was…but he didn't like the fact that I wouldn't let him leave. He's so weak that he can barely stand, but he can still throw a punch," Sandy says, still holding Ryan's struggling limbs.

Dr. Levin sets his bag on the floor and pulls out a long syringe. "This is a strong sedative. It should put him out for about six hours. Hold his arm as steady as you can, Sandy." 

Sandy holds Ryan's arm tightly. Kirsten walks over and holds Ryan's other arm out of their way. Dr. Levin deftly locates a vein and injects the medicine. Ryan relaxes immediately. Sandy and Kirsten release his arms. 

"God…he was really trying to fight you," Kirsten realizes as she sees Sandy's handprints bruising onto Ryan's arms. 

"I'm going to run back to the office and pick up the other things we'll need. Since we're hooking him up to saline, I want to include some vitamins and nutrients as well," Dr. Levin explains.

"This sedative…will he wake up?" Sandy asks. Ryan's breathing has settled into a calm pattern. 

"He shouldn't. His body is exhausted. He might wake up later when the drug isn't as prevalent in his system, but hopefully he'll be slightly back to normal. Hopefully, he should recognize you." Dr. Levin sighs. "I know that Ryan hates drugs but I think when he wakes up and sees what he did to you and Seth that he'll understand why we decided to sedate him."

"It was an accident…" Sandy says.

"Ryan probably won't see it that way," Dr. Levin replies. "I'm going to run back to the office and I'll go over what's next for him when I get back. I want to start pumping him full of liquids as soon as possible."

* * *

  


Dr. Levin returns and hooks Ryan to an IV. He remains unconscious, sleeping peacefully. The doctor stays for dinner while Seth sits with Ryan. Seth had been upset when Ryan was so sick the previous night but after a talk with the doctor explaining Ryan's withdrawal in more detail, he's comfortable to sit with his brother. Marissa and Summer sneak around the edge of the house and knock on the poolhouse door.

"Hey. It's not really a good time," Seth says as he steps out of the poolhouse. 

"What's going on? You called and said that Ryan was coming home but you never called us back," Marissa says, concerned.

"He's here, he's just…he's sick."

Marissa gasps.

"Sick? What happened?" Summer pushes past him and walks into the poolhouse. She looks at Ryan asleep on the bed before turning to Seth. "He looks worse here than he did at his place."

"He…he was drinking. Like, constantly, for the last few months. When he agreed to come home, my parents said he had to quit. He agreed. But…it's been pretty rough. He's like, detoxing."

"Is that what happened to your face?" Marissa asks quietly.

"Yeah. Mom and Dad finally decided to sedate him so he would stop fighting us," Seth sighs. He sits down in the chair beside Ryan's bed. 

"That sucks. He's had such a rough few months and now this…" Marissa whispers. She sits down on the edge of Ryan's bed and smoothes his hair gently.

"He knew it was coming but I don't think any of us knew how hard it would actually be. Ryan said that he had helped his mom so I think he knew better than my parents and me…but he hasn't been much help. He's hallucinating and he doesn't recognize us…and it sucks…" Seth finishes. Summer tilts her head at him before giving him an impulsive hug.

"You brought him home, Seth. Now you just have to wait until he can appreciate it," Summer says quietly.

"Can we sit with you guys? I mean…" Marissa starts.

"We're keeping him asleep. The doctor's inside. You're welcome to keep us company," Seth says.

"Good. You look like you could use some company," Summer smiles. 

* * *

  



	8. Eight

_AN: Wow. It's really been a while on this one. Here's the ending, hope it doesn't disappoint. (Can you believe I actually finished one? Me either...) Sorry about the formatting...I can't figure out how to fix it, but it's readable I hope...Enjoy!_

----------/-------------/-------------/----------------/--------------/-------------/----------

"How's Ryan?" Sandy asks the next morning as he brings Kirsten a cup of coffee.

"Still sleeping. Do you think we did the right thing?" Kirsten asks as he sits down beside her.

"What?" Sandy asks, startled.

"Sedating him," Kirsten replies. "Do you think he's going to be angry?"

"Honey, I think when we explain what happened, that he'll understand. Don' t you think he's a lot more…mature, now? When we went and convinced him to come home…it seems like he was really trying to give us the benefit of the doubt…he knows that he needs our help. I think he'll understand, Kirsten," Sandy says as he puts his arm around her.

"Shouldn't he be waking up soon?" Kirsten asks with a sigh as she relaxes against him.

"Dr. Levin gave him the last injection around midnight, so I'd think so. He's going to stop by before his clinic opens today," Sandy replies.

"It's really good of him to take such a personal interest in Ryan," Kirsten says.

"He's known him for years. He told me on the phone before we found him that he never forgot Ryan, even when he didn't see him in the hospital. He said that Ryan was one of the patients he wished he could have done more for." Sandy sighs. "Remember how Ryan wouldn't let you go into the ER with him? Well, Dr. Levin said that he never met his parents. He knew that Ryan was being abused but he knew that if he pursued it that it would keep Ryan from going to the hospital at all. He blames himself for not turning him over to social services when he had the chance…he knows how intelligent Ryan is, though…"

"At least he cares. At least he hasn't given up on the kid, yet," Kirsten says.

"We can't take back our mistakes. But we can fix them the best we can. Ryan's home now."

Ryan opens his eyes slowly. He's tired. It takes him a moment to adjust to the light and he doesn't recognize where he is at first. He sits up slowly. He's not sick. He's sober. He's starving.

"Hey, man. Welcome back," Seth says from across the room.

"Hey." Ryan realizes that he's in the poolhouse.

"Do you…do you know where you are?"

"The poolhouse…" Ryan replies quietly. Seth walks over to his bedside. Ryan winces, seeing his bruised face. "What happened to you?"

"I'll tell you all about it later," Seth says, relief on his face.

Ryan gets up immediately and goes to the bathroom. He has a pounding headache. He hesitates, knowing that Seth will probably want to talk to him, but decides to shower first. He feels like he's been asleep for days. When he steps out and gets dressed, he glances at his watch. He has been asleep for days.

"Seth…" Ryan is saying as he walks out into the poolhouse. "What day is it?"

"That's our fault," Dr. Levin answers. Ryan is surprised to see Sandy, Kirsten, Seth and the doctor sitting on the couch in the poolhouse.

"Hey, guys," Ryan remarks.

"How do you feel?" Sandy asks immediately.

Ryan glances around the room, suspicious. "I don't know…"

"It's not a trick question…"

"I didn't think asking what day it is was a trick question either," Ryan replies. He slowly walks across the room and sits down on the bed.

"We sedated you, Ryan. You got to be a little more than we could handle," Sandy says slowly.

"Oh...I…oh…" Ryan says, surprised.

"You didn't recognize anyone and you fought…" Seth adds.

"And we didn't think you should wake up in a hospital, we wanted you here," Kirsten continues.

"Oh. Wow."

"Ryan…" Sandy starts, still worried that he will be angry.

"Thanks," He says suddenly.

"What?" Sandy recoils.

"Thank you. I feel better. I…I feel better. It's okay…"

"Really? You're not mad?" Seth asks.

Ryan sighs. "I came back…I relinquished control of my life, of my health…and I trust your family's decisions…"

"That means a lot, Ryan," Sandy admits.

"And you feel better?" Kirsten asks.

He nods solemnly. "Yeah. But you guys are all staring at me…"

"Sorry," Seth laughs.

"Can I check you out a little, Ryan?" Dr. Levin asks.

"Housecalls, Dr. Levin? I'm surprised," Ryan mutters.

"I'll bring him inside," He tells the Cohens.

The doctor checks Ryan's blood pressure and breathing. He pauses.

"Clean slate?" Ryan asks.

"Getting there," Dr. Levin smiles.

"So what's next?"

"You have to eat. I know that you probably have no appetite and it might be hard, but small portions are fine, Ryan, as long as you eat, like, several times a day…"

"I'll try…"

"You can't drink."

"I know."

"At all, Ryan. You say it so easily but…"

Ryan lowers his gaze. "I crave it, Dr. Levin. I crave it with all that I am, I always have, ever since the first time I tasted it…I know it's not easy…" He meets the doctor's gaze again. "Its something I have to learn to cope with."

Dr. Levin nods. "You don't have to do it alone."

Ryan snorts. "A.A.?"

"You could try it."

"What do the Cohens want me to do?"

"Whatever is best for you, Ryan," Dr. Levin says, confused by Ryan's docile attitude.

Ryan nods. "I'll think about it."

"That's all I can ask."

"What else?" Ryan sighs.

"How do you feel?"

"I'm okay…" Ryan answers, pausing at the doctor's disapproving look.

"Headache? Nausea? Pain?"

Ryan smiles. "All of the above?"

"You have to be honest with me. And the Cohens. We can't help you if you don't tell us what hurts…"

"Okay." He pauses. "My head is killing me, my stomach's cramping because it's so empty and I'm sore for being in the same position for so long."

"Thank you. I can take the edge off, Ryan, if you'd like…" Dr. Levin offers.

"You even sound like a drug dealer," Ryan jokes.

"Ryan…"

"I'm joking, prescribe away, doctor," Ryan smiles.

Ryan joins the Cohens in the kitchen. They stop talking as soon as he enters.

"Hey, kid," Sandy grins, genuinely happy to have him back.

"Hey. Can I make a request? At least try to play it off when you're talking about me," Ryan smiles shyly.

"Sorry. We're just really glad that you're better," Kirsten smiles.

"Did I do that?" Ryan motions to Seth's face.

"Yeah, but I had it coming."

"How so?" Ryan asks immediately.

"I got in your way," Seth grins.

"Ryan, you didn't know where you were, it was an accident," Kirsten says quietly.

"Well, I'm sorry anyway. You know…you know that I'd never hurt you, right?" Ryan asks his friend.

"Not on purpose. I'll forgive you, if you promise not to do it again," Seth replies.

Ryan nods. "I promise."

"And if you promise not to run away again. Mr. Wood," Seth teases. Ryan gives him a nervous smile.

"We want you to feel safe here. You belong here. If you hear something you don't understand or you have any questions or worries, we need you to come to us. We get upset, just like you, and we don't always express ourselves the way that we should," Sandy says slowly.

"I know…I'm really sorry…"

"So are we. But you're home now. You're home with us and we're going to take care of you. If you'll let us," Kirsten says. She walks over and makes him look her in the eyes.

"Okay," He whispers.

"Really?"

He nods. She embraces him.


End file.
